The Sex Part Always Gets in the Way

Disclaimer: This is not about any particular person or situation. This is just a social commentary. Nosey gossips, you'll be thrilled to know the hot-as-hell hubby and I are doing perfectly well together. Take your assumptions elsewhere. Now, on to the blog.

"Men and women can't be friends. The sex part always gets in the way."

"That's not true. I have a number of male friends, and there is no sex involved."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't."

"Yes I DO!"

"No, you don't."

"You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?"

"I'm saying they all want to have sex with you."

"They do not."

"Yes, they do."

"They do not."

"Yes they do. A man can't be friends with a women he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her."

"So, you're saying a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?"

"Nah, you pretty much wanna nail them too."

This is one of the greatest and most honest moments of dialogue in film. Ok, the faked orgasm she does later is pretty awesome too, but this moment... this rare slap of honesty is amazing because it's true. Nora Ephron really laid it all on the line in When Harry met Sally.

I completely hate it though. I despise with every bit of me the truthfulness of that conversation. I've had male friend after male friend in my life, and it always goes to shit because it's impossible to just be friends. I mean REAL friends with openness and freedom.

Oh, you can establish rules and boundaries. You can hang caution tape and set up orange cones around your friendship, but then it ceases to be a real friendship. You walk on tippie-toe the entire time to avoid impropriety, and then you're left with a friendship that feels contrived and fake.

Let's not, as Harry does, blame it all on men and their inability to control their dick. I mean, really, if they could tame their beast, don't you think they would? Their penis gets them into SO much trouble, but even though they do have a "hard" time, (see what I did there?) It's really not all their fault. We women assume responsibility for some of this, I'll be the first to admit it.

In the far past, I've blurred the line myself. I've shared my passion for music and literature with guys, and somehow found myself uncertain whether I was sharing my passions, or sharing passion. The next thing you know, you're emotionally attached to a dude and you shouldn't be because you're "just friends." You find yourself on this shifting sand with uncertain footing trying to balance what is and isn't "going on" in your friendship, all the while pretending that there's nothing "going on" at all. Again, it fucking sucks.

I've been happily married for nearly 14 years, and the hot-as-hell husband and I have had various discussions about this. What is and isn't appropriate? What is and isn't crossing the line? What is and isn't too far? How can we form boundaries with opposite sex friendships? What rules do we set up in or own relationship to prevent sticky situations with the opposite sex? Trouble is, we can't find an easy solution.

I don't want the caution tape and orange cones; who wants to be constantly on guard all the time? However, I certainly don't want the impropriety, scandal, and general tornado of shit that friendships with the opposite sex can lead to. It just isn't fair. Sometimes, I just wish I were a dude. I love my boobs though, and dudes with boobs just aren't as sexy.

I think this whole sociological conundrum may be why I love my gay friends so much. How nice to be friends with a guy who doesn't want to sleep with you! Most gay friends also share my interests in music and theater. So, it works out splendidly.

But generally, friendships with dudes are a tightrope walk over a pit of teeth-barring dobermans. Keeping the tender balance is paramount to keeping alive. Lose the balance -- lose your friendship and possibly much more.

Harry and Sally didn't keep the balance of friendship. They end up married by the end of the film.

Why? Because the sex part ALWAYS gets in the way.