The Spectacular Gullibility Of Michele Bachmann

The Spectacular Gullibility Of Michele Bachmann

Hey, kids! Remember Minnesota Representative Michele Bachmann? She's the saucer-eyed looneytune who went on Hardball last year in the heat of the election to suggest that the Congress was filled with un-American pod-people that the media needed to hound out into the light, so that she could disintegrate them with her LASER EYES. This caused Chris Matthews to screw on his very best "WTF face," and briefly boosted the fortunes of Bachmann's electoral opponents, until she launched her "I Did Not Say Those Things You Saw Me Say, Or At The Very Least Meant Something Entirely Different When I Said Those Things" Campaign, ensuring she'd prevail with her constituents, who are apparently the most easily-led people in America.

Anyway, Bachmann's re-election, while terrible for America, is good for amusement and all related amusement-based sectors of the economy. So, hurray, she's back to saying crazy things! This time on the radio! Steve Benen runs down the list:

Bachmann "explained" to the host and Minnesota audience:

* ACORN is "under federal indictment for voter fraud," but the stimulus bill nevertheless gives ACORN "$5 billion." (In reality, ACORN is not under federal indictment and isn't mentioned in the stimulus bill at all.)

* many members of Congress have "a real aversion to capitalism."

* the stimulus bill includes a measure to create a "rationing board" for health care, and after the bill becomes law, "your doctor will no longer be able to make your healthcare decisions with you."

* the recovery package is part of a Democratic conspiracy to "direct" funding away from Republican districts, so Democratic districts can "suck up" all federal funds. Bachmann doesn't think this will work because, as she put it, "We're running out of rich people in this country."

* the "Community-Organizer-in-Chief" is also orchestrating a conspiracy involving the Census Bureau, which the president will use to redraw congressional lines to keep Democrats in power for up to "40 years." When the host said he was confused, noting that congressional district lines are drawn at the state level, Bachmann said Obama's non-existent plan is an "anti-constitutional move."

It occurs to me that there is a rather simple pattern to Bachmann's belief system, easily divined from this laundry list of paranoid nincompoopery: if it was a rumor on the interwebs, Bachmann believes it!

And so, that opens up the door for all sorts of fun. Want Bachmann to believe that Obama wants to spread socialist one-world government by detonating nuclear-powered manatees at the Mall of America, or that Timothy Geithner used alien mind control to send that homicidal chimpanzee after Joe the Plumber, or that Ken Salazar is secretly arming Alaskan wolves to have their revenge on Sarah Palin? JUST PUT THAT STUFF ON THE INTERNET. So I'll put it you, faithful readership: send us your best, most unhinged paranoiac rumors in an email with the subject "I bet Michele Bachmann would believe this if we put it on the internet," and we will put the best ideas on the internet, for Bachmann to find. That is all!

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