It is a well known fact that as the summer ends, divorce rates skyrocket. In our case this literally means that people swap out their romantic resort plans for a stay at Divorce Hotel. Often times a relationship has not been working for quite some time and couples use their vacations as a final push to salvage what might be left before deciding to file for divorce. For our mediators and myself this means that we will be seeing many couples in the coming weeks and cheating is often a very hot topic.
I must admit that I am regularly surprised when partners have failed to notice the clear and very obvious signs of cheating in their own relationships. At Divorce Hotel, we have had the chance to learn through talking to so many couples, what the obvious signs are when a partner is cheating. Here are a some things to look out for:
Sudden changes in work schedule
Your partner always works according to a fixed pattern and all of a sudden he is working over time much more than usual. In fact, you have never known your partner to focus so much on his work like he is doing right now. When you question him, he is either vague or defensive about the reasons why he is working so hard.
Sudden changes in sexual appetite
An absence of regular sex within a relationship, while disconcerting, is not an automatic sign of cheating. However, sudden and dramatic changes in libido definitely may signify cheating. For example, if your partner suddenly has an extreme sexual appetite or your partner goes from having a high sex drive to none- pay attention, as this is very suspicious.
Sudden changes in your partner’s looks
If your partner starts losing weight out of the blue, develops (much better) taste in clothing, is improving their hygiene, gets a hew hairstyle and generally starts paying more attention to physical appearance, this is a big sign that he or she may be cheating.
A sudden need for privacy
These are some of the most obvious signs: the partner, who never lays a cellphone on the table, preferring instead to keep it in his pocket, is suspicious. A partner who suddenly needs privacy to make phone calls or changes all of the passwords on his mobile devices or computers, is likely up to something. The partners, who spend hours, especially in the evening, behind a laptop or computer, when they never did that before, are possible cheaters. A sudden need for privacy is always suspicious.
A sudden change in affection
Suddenly the affection is gone. Your partner, who used to always touch you, starts replacing hugging and kissing for a colder and more platonic kind of approach. This is a red flag that his affection is going to someone else.
A sudden presence of cash
Your partner never carried a lot of cash in his wallet, preferring instead to use debit and credit cards. Suddenly he is carrying stacks of cash. Often this is to hide financial transactions that he doesn’t want you to know about.
A sudden new sport or hobby
You partner suddenly takes up a new activity. Cheaters are often creative in scheduling meetings with their lovers. A new hobby is the perfect alibi.
Sudden strange social media behavior
Social media made cheating easier than ever. With social media it’s simple to track and trace e.g. your ex from high school or the person you met in the supermarket. So getting in contact has never been so easy. Pay attention to any sudden increase of activity on social media. Places like Facebook or Snapchat where messages can be deleted automatically, are ideal for cheaters.
A sudden obsession with your agenda
To this point your partner was never so inquisitive about your schedule, but now her or she wants to know what you are up to, even encouraging you to go out with your friends... alone. Your partner explains to you that she needs more private time, which is very suspicious.
These are only a few examples that we learned from our mediations, focusing primarily on the sudden changes that accompany cheating. There are many other signs that indicate that your partner may be cheating. And of course, your partner may display some of the behaviors above and not be cheating at all, but it’s always good to keep your eyes open and to talk about what may be bothering you. The important advice we can give you is to never neglect your own personal feelings regarding your partner and your relationship. Follow your instincts and don’t be afraid to discuss what’s on your mind with your partner directly and immediately.
Because don’t forget poor communication between partners is still one of the most common reasons for a divorce!