Holding space for another person is incredibly profound.
When you hold space for someone, you bring your entire presence to them.
You walk along with them without judgment, sharing their journey to an unknown destination. Yet you're completely willing to end up wherever they need to go. You give your heart, let go of control, and offer unconditional support.
And when you do, both of you heal, grow, and transform.
Sounds like a tall order, doesn't it?
You Already Hold Space Even if You Don't Realize You Do
You've been utterly present with another person before.
Remember the time when that stranger in the grocery store told you they were buying nutritional shakes for their mom because she couldn't eat solid food anymore? Or when the person behind you in the airport security line revealed they were on the way to see their dying friend?
And you stood there holding their tearful gaze, your heart wide open while they poured out their pain. Without judging them or trying to fix their problems.
Holding space can be that ordinary.
And when they move on they're carrying a gift from you that they then can offer to others.
Giving the Gift of Presence
I have several friends who are amazingly skilled at being utterly present with me. They're self aware, compassionate, and without judgment. There's no b.s. from them and they love me no matter what. Even when I'm bawling my eyes out, and snot's running down my face, and I'm in such pain all I can do is blubber complete nonsense.
They hold me in their beautiful, spacious container of caring so I can soften into the pain, acknowledge it, and let it go instead of being trapped in a long shit storm of grief, anger, and loss.
We're a tribe of healers and transformers but paradoxically we're also quite ordinary.
On the outside our lives are not different from yours.
But on the inside we've realized our natural-born power to transform and heal.
What Happens When You Master Holding Space
Though we're all born with the ability to hold space, the more you practice the more mastery you'll develop and the greater your power will be.
You'll discover how to be utterly present with someone yet also when to dance aside so they can trust their own wisdom.
You'll empower them to make their own choices because people are often more competent than they give themselves credit for. Yet paradoxically we all need to make mistaken choices so that we learn from them, grow our courage, and deepen our confidence.
And you'll be able to check your ego at the door so you can withhold judgment from someone as they bounce off the walls, roar with pain, or crumble under pressure.
Let the Spaciousness Begin
You were born with the power to create and hold space for transformation and healing.
And no matter how tough your life's been or how long you've dwelled in darkness, you can reconnect with your power.
But if you doubt yourself, simply sit quietly and picture being completely present with someone you care about. Offer your imperfect self. Trust that your intent will make up for any so-called mistakes in your technique.
Are you ready to offer the gift of spaciousness?
Lynn Hauka teaches meditation to people who want to let go of life's craziness.
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