All relationships are transformative experiences. However, one of the fastest tracks to success in love is to start a passionate love affair with yourself. Relationships can serve as a mirror -- reflecting your inner image of yourself -- and reveal what you believe about yourself and think you are worthy of.
Whenever we abandon ourselves for someone or something unhealthy, our alarms bells go off and we get that sick feeling in the pit of our stomach. That's are our deep inner knowing calling us back home from a detour.
Angeles Arrien talks about this so beautifully in her audio tape "Power of Love in Relationship." She says not to beat ourselves up when our alarms go off, because "every detour is a teaching, and helps us guide more parts of ourselves to return back home." She recommends "staying at 'home base' until the unknowable becomes more known," meaning in new relationships you need to go step by step.
Being our own best friend brings a deep confidence (which means to trust, have faith and confide in oneself). This brings high self-esteem, which will attract love and respect to you.
Also, maintaining a sense of playfulness, fun and lightness will keep you youthful and will put others at ease. Laughter creates a sense of connection and understanding that sparks the fire of passion and physical intimacy. When we lose our sense of humor, it's because we are afraid and are attached to things going a certain way and no other. The energy turns heavy and we might feel stuck.
We can generate love for ourselves at any time by allowing the entire field of Pure, Perfect, Divine Love to flow through us. We align with it by meditating on it, being it, acting as if it already is, and then feeling this current operating through us at all times.
A great meditation for this is "I am now at one with, filled with, and surrounded by the pure white light of the Christ (or God, Universe, Buddha or any of the great Avatars you most feel connected to), through which anything negative can ever penetrate, and only my most high good can happen." See these words now activated in you as Perfect Health, Wealth, Love, Self-expression, Free, Unlimited and Unbound.
This state of being creates exciting changes.
If we are not living in the stream of love, it is felt as discord in mind, body and events. This disconnected and reactive state is a signal to come back to "home" and immediately stop everything. The event that triggered that state is irrelevant. All that matters is how we choose to respond to it ... do we view it as an opportunity for growth and creating clarity or as a threat to our well-being?
Many of the great spiritual masters teach that you should never take action, make a move or decision, until you feel in complete alignment, clear and centered. Your inner knowing will let you know when to take action. A good meditation for this is "I give Thanks that at all times I am Divinely protected and directed to know, feel, think, say and do the exact perfect, divine right thing at the perfect time for my most high good and the highest good for all involved." Repeat these words and sit in it until you feel the energy shift in your being to a peaceful state.
In all relationships, in order for love to grow, one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and your partner is the space for contemplation and processing. This helps us catch up to ourselves, manage our energy and each time show up present, calm, loving and centered.
If for some reason we are feeling worried, vulnerable, in danger of being hurt or misunderstood, it could be one of three things:
1) Just because we are thinking it and feeling something, does not mean it's true. The feeling could be a result of past hurt that we have not forgiven, released, blessed and healed.
2) The feeling can be coming from the false beliefs of your partner's experiences being projected onto you.
3) You may be intuitively picking up on exactly what is going on, and it's a warning signal to get calm, centered, connected and then address it with very clear and honest communication with that person.
The matter is most often cleared up quickly and there's a new feeling of closeness that results, unless the other person is closed off or is stuck in their point of view.
Learn to love with an open heart, and especially enjoy the precious gifts and pleasures of sexual expression! But, with freedom comes responsibility. There are consequences for all our actions. Freedom does not mean you may love irresponsibly. To get safety, one has to give safety in return. To try to control the process will only bring a complete loss of power and will block the flow of love.
Truly loving someone is simply wanting whatever is for his or her highest good. Allow your partner to do whatever they need to heal, progress and expand. But if their path takes them in a different direction from you, and that brings pain, then the relationship is becoming unhealthy for you. It is not necessary to compromise your beliefs or abandon yourself to please others. This will lead to more mistreatment.
With Divine Love and truth protecting you, there is no need to come undone or constrict your energies by being passive or aggressive. In a state of poise, peace, power and an inner stability that cannot be shaken, firmly state what will and will not work for you. What will happen is what is supposed to happen. Know that you can never lose what is for your highest good, when you operate from the highest place possible.
But if this person is not able to show up wholeheartedly, the situation clearly no longer serves you. Then it is better to bless them, forgive them and release them with love. Trust this process and before you know it, the right person will show up and you can soar from there!