There is nothing more terrorizing or frightening than heartbreak. When we’re heartbroken the overwhelming feeling we have is one of complete powerlessness. The emotional assault heartbreak brings on is the most frightening and powerful experience we have as human beings. There is no other experience that has the power to make us feel lower, more defeated or vulnerable than heartbreak because wherever heartbreak is, there is sure to be some form of abandonment. Whether that abandonment is due to the loss of a love relationship, a boyfriend, girlfriend, marriage, friend, child, family member, pet or the heartbreak is due to the loss of a job, loss of finances, loss of personal respect, addiction, the loss of health, or even the loss of confidence; these losses rock us to the very core of our identities. However, I have come to trust that wherever heartbreak is, there is also a tremendous amount of hope.
1. I can move on.
I have learned never to go back to who or what broke me. I have learned if people will do cruel and undermining things once they will do those things again and again, no matter how many times promises of change are given. Each time I have gone back I have re-experienced the exact pattern of heartbreak I was in before. Because of this, I have learned the most about the process of moving on through making the mistake of going back. Moving on is essential to healing heartbreak.
2. Time Heals.
I have learned I can tell the story of my pain today because I have had time to heal. I can tell my story and it doesn’t hurt anymore. I have learned that with time, diligence, hard work, patience and faith that things work out. I have come to the understanding that not every part of my life will feel okay, and that this is okay. The gift of time has shown me that I can come to a place where I can accept and adapt to what I cannot change in my life and still carry on happy and fulfilled.
3. There is a God.
Heartbreak has taught me that it has been in the times when I have felt the most alone, that I was actually the closest to God. Never have signs or signals been more clear or present to me than when I have been in the depths of my deepest despair. It has always been during the times I have felt the most lost and uncertain that I have sought and asked the deepest questions around the meaning of life and love. During these time I have been gifted with the exact signs and signals I had desperately needed, giving me hope that I would indeed heal, and that things would once again be okay. I have come to believe, through these small miracles, that there is a God.
4. Holes fill again.
It is natural to believe, when we have lost anything of great value to us, that we could never replace what we lost, let alone with something or someone equally as good or better. My heartbreaks have shown me, however, that whatever I have lost has always, and without fail, been replaced by something good or far better than what I had been in before. I now believe the saying “The Universe abhors a void.” I know it to be true that whatever is empty will once again be full.
5. Pain ends.
When I have been in the clutches of my deepest pain I truly could not imagine that it would ever end. Heartbreak feels like it’s going to last forever, but I am happy to assure you, it is temporary. I have felt utterly powerless to get away from my heartache. Yet, it has always been just at this point, a small glimmer of light would show itself, at the far end of the tunnel, giving me a taste of hope and direction. I have learned there is always hope if we can just hang on and have faith. H.O.P.E...Hold On Pain Ends.
I know pain well. I know its tricks and traps. The terrors experienced in my most heartbreaking and debilitating times have gifted me the wisdom and courage to navigate the grey areas of my life. I have learned that courage is not something I have, it is something I do. Heartbreak has taught me that I am more than capable of making the most difficult of decisions in my life with the courage, trust and faith necessary because I have been placed in the position to have no other choice but to make these types of decisions.
7. I can let go.
I have learned I can let go, even when I have desperately not wanted to. Out of the strong resistance to not wanting to let go, I have learned that it takes a far greater power to let go than it does to clutch and hang on. In letting go I have become stronger, more mindful and elegant in my approach to love, life and business. I have learned that some situations in life don’t get better, but that I can get better.
8. I can survive.
I have learned I am capable of carrying the enormous weight of the depths of human suffering and despair. I have learned I can survive what was designed to destroy me. Because of this, I now live much more deeply. Heartbreak has developed my capacities to love people, to believe in life and to more deeply understand that I am stronger and more significant than I had ever imagined.
9. I can stand alone.
I have learned I am fully capable of depending upon myself physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and financially. Through my losses I have come to profoundly understand what it means to fall in love with myself, and to be able to walk proudly on after a major loss with a sense of integrity and carriage. I can say I have truly found myself in the greatest losses of my life.
10. Beautiful people are created.
Elizabeth Kubler Ross says that “the most beautiful people are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen, they are made.”
The terrorizing emotions of heartbreak reach into the depths of what it means to be human. The most challenging thing about these emotions, even though we intellectually know they will pass, is when we are in them it feels as if this is the way we’re going to feel for the rest of our God given lives. I have learned life moves insensitively on. Heartbreak is journey, and it’s a journey that we all will take many times over a lifetime, in many different areas of our lives, and for many different reasons. We may as well buckle up and accept that heartbreak, and its journey, are necessary character building devices when we have the bravery and willingness to take accountability for ourselves, our lives, choosing the trajectory out of our pain, and learning to carry the weight of our emotions with a sense of faith, openness and hope. A well lived life is a well grieved life.