Parents

The Things I Forgot: An Ode To Mom Brain

I had an amazing working memory. But it’s gone.
04/19/2017 10:00pm ET | Updated April 20, 2017

I have an amazing working memory. I can hold a myriad of play dates, medicine dosages and current trends in speech language pathology in my brain, without batting an eye.

Actually, wait.

I had an amazing working memory. But it’s gone.

I forgot...

Up until recently, I didn’t believe in “Mom Brain.” I thought it was just some sort of code language we moms used to signal stuff like “I actually didn’t want to bake anything for the bake sale and never intended to, but needed to keep up appearances because the PTO moms are scary...” or “I knew I had poop on the back of this shirt before I left the house, but hardly have any other clean clothes and was really way too tired to change.” You know, stuff like that.

But, as most of you probably already know ― Mom Brain is real.

And it’s coming for all of us. To strip us of our long and short-term memories, so that we are forced to forget things like:

Your Kid’s Birthday

Yes. I received the invitation to your child’s birthday party. And yes, I even sent an enthusiastic email RSVP, complete with exclamation points and emojis regarding our excitement to attend the celebration at Laser Quest Galaxy Land. And yes, I put it on my calendar ― both electronic and paper.

And yes, I felt absolutely awful when, two days after the party, I drove by a toy store and suddenly remembered that I needed to buy your child a gift ― for the party we completely missed.

Your Other Best Friend’s Name

Listen, I know I’ve met this chick before. Probably at your wedding and baby shower and then again at some neighborhood function. Oh, and there was that time at your mom’s thing when she and I did that game, with the thing? Yeah. We’ve met. And she’s super nice! I really like her. We get along super well.

And I have no freaking clue what her name is.

And God knows that at this point, there isn’t a soul I can ask.

Where You Grew Up

I know you’ve told me countless stories about ______. And the crazy summers you spent at ______ before you went back to school at _____. And I was listening, I swear! But somewhere between _____ and _____ I started thinking about fabric softener and the environment and female suffrage, and girl, it’s just completely gone.

If You Vaccinate/Use Essential Oils/Voted Trump/Cloth Diaper/Avoid Screen Time/Believe in Ghosts

I know we’ve all got soapboxes (I try and maintain at least a half dozen at a time, if I can remember what my platforms are...) but if you think I have the brain power to remember what yours are before I open my big, fat mouth ― you are going to be wildly disappointed.

I promise that I value your opinions/thoughts/concerns, and it’s not that I didn’t enjoy participating in the conversation/debate we had when you first presented these opinions/thoughts/concerns to me ― it’s just that I literally do not remember that conversation/debate about your opinions/thoughts/concerns and we’re going to have to start from scratch.

Before I Forget...

So dear friend, please remember that my lapse in memory is not a reflection of my affection for you. Or my children. Or spouse. But merely of my weary Mom Brain, that has been clogged up by requests for diagonally-cut sandwiches and a juice that’s different from that kind of juice I bought before.

Someday, I will remember your other friends’ names and where you grew up and that you are non-celiac, gluten free, but for today can we just find solace in the fact that you probably don’t remember those things about me either.

And let’s just forget about it.