Meeting somebody who makes you a better version of yourself.
That's truly what love is. Meeting somebody who makes you a better version of who you are.
One of the greatest feelings is when you're with somebody who fully believes in who you are.
Fully believes what you're all about.
Challenges you on things that are destructive for you.
One of the things that I feel in my relationships is channeling what I call the inner Haleen (or those of you who don't know Haleen, she’s my mother).
When my mother felt like life was getting out of control, my mother would literally lose her marbles.
She would go bat shit crazy all over the place.
She would freak out.
She would vomit words all over the place.
She was full of doom and gloom.
Everything was wrong, nothing was going to be right. The whole world was against her.
She would go deeper and deeper into that spiral. And I would watch it over, and over, and over again.
When I was a kid, I would watch it non-stop. So whenever anything went wrong in my life, I would go deep into doom and gloom.
Immediately I'd think the worst.
I would think everything was going to be awful.
It was the end of the world.
And I would channel my inner Haleen.
I would spiral so deep that it would take me hours to get out of it, which sucks.
But at least I got out of it. My mother would spiral out of control for days and weeks and months. She literally was on medication and was basically borderline and depressed.
But with me, I would channel that energy, the negativity that I would get from my mother, and I would channel that behavior.
And even though I'd get myself out of it a couple hours later, 10 minutes later, the very next day, it was still a very destructive emotional behavior.
But I've got somebody in my life who has seen me do that. And when I do that, she has given me the skills to literally un-channel the inner Haleen.
Because of her love and support.
Because of her understanding. Because of her wisdom. But most importantly, because she doesn't want me to be that version of me.
That version of me doesn't serve me as a human being. That version of me doesn't do me any good at all.
As a matter of fact, that version of me is very self destructive. So through her nurture and beautiful loving heart, she's shown me how to not do that behavior that I've done so many times before.
That's what love is. Love is literally showing one another how to handle things in life differently than you handled them before so you're not doing the destructive behavior that plagued you before.
That's what a beautiful adult relationship is all about.
And that's what I'm lucky enough to be experiencing right now with the most beautiful person I've met in my life. Somebody who I see for who they are. Somebody who I accept for who they are. Somebody who is amazing just how they are. Somebody whose fears and baggage are beautiful things to explore and support her on.
It's beautiful after all these years to finally have that adult relationship. A relationship that is so based on who somebody is instead of the idea of what you want them to be. You see, my amazing partner is the person I always wanted to be with and always wanted to meet, always wanted to be loved by.
In life I've always explored relationships with the hope that somebody would be what I needed them to be. I was always about accepting. Oh, I'm just going to accept this person and hope that this person is healthy.
I hope this person is more loving and affectionate.
I hope this person has more patience for me. We tend to go in relationships like that because we pick and choose somebody based on who we really want them to be, or hope them to be, instead of who they truly are.
But not with my amazing, beautiful partner.
I've chosen her for who she is. Every bit of her. Her fears, her insecurities, her quirks. Everything. The things I can help her with, I actually make suggestions. And the things she can help me with, she makes suggestions.
We have each other's backs in ways like never before. I feel like a more powerful man with the presence of a real woman.
She doesn't dump her shit on me, and if she does I listen with an open heart with no judgment. I don't judge her for what she's going through, just help and support her and listen to her.
The one phrase we use a lot is “feeling safe.”
Safe and seen.
We use it over and over and over again. We feel safe, we feel seen.
I love being an adult in love. It's one of the best feelings in the world. I don't think about anything except being 100% the best man that I can be for her. And by being that best man, I'm really just being the best version of myself, because it all goes back to what I was saying in the beginning:
When you meet somebody who supports you to be the best version of yourself, then you've really met somebody who truly loves who you are.