Recent polls suggest that many Americans support Donald Trump for president. They can't wait for him to win and run a New-York-style administration. Hey, as a native New Yorker, I understand their excitement. But fuhgeddaboud that. It's the Trump post-presidency that's really exciting. Because it could mean the first presidential library in Queens.
Queens is the Rodney Dangerfield of New York. It don't get no respect. It's even referred to as an "outer borough" so no one gets it mixed up with Manhattan. (Like that would ever happen.) Every borough besides Manhattan is an outer borough. But they're not all equal. Brooklyn may be the "new Manhattan" but Queens is still the same old Queens.
And that's what's so exciting about a potential presidential library. "It would class up the place" as the Donald might say. The last time Queens was classy was when it hosted the 1964 World's Fair. That was over 50 years ago!
A Donald Trump Presidential Library could be an architectural wonder. If it includes the usual Trump features, it would be the only presidential library with a massive tower, luxury suites and a golf course. And it would automatically meet Mr. Trump's most important requirement -- having his name on the building.
But the most distinctive feature would be a gigantic wall surrounding the library. And it's not for what you think! Because a big door in the wall would allow everyone to enter; including more than 25% of the Queens population that's Latino, Hispanic or Spanish. So why the wall? It's for the kids! Local ones can use the wall to play stickball. (OK, really the wall is to keep out people from New Jersey. They don't know how to drive and they tawk with a weird accent.)
And that's not the only feature reflecting Mr. Trump's New York background. The library would also include the "Fell Off the Back of the Truck" gift shop, "Hot Dog Cart" cafeteria and "Way, Way, Way Off Broadway" theater. Perhaps most important to New Yorkers, all lines would be express.
But it's the exhibits that would really be unique.
- Pizza: New York vs. Chicago (whaddaya kiddin' me?)
- History of Hipsters in Queens (OK, a very small exhibit)
- Gallery of the Moving Image (display of subway cars encased in graffiti)
Not to mention the classes:
- How to shop at stores that are "Going Out of Business"
- How to cut in line (for tourists)
- How to avoid eye contact (for tourists)
- Annual three card monte championship (winner announced by Steve Harvey)
- Squeegee Man Festival (the Burning Man for Queens?)
Of course it's not definite that the library would be in Queens. Mr. Trump also has ties to Manhattan and Florida. But as a Queens native, Mr. Trump should do the right thing. As another famous Queens resident, Spiderman's Uncle Ben (Ok, a fictional resident), once said: "With great power, comes great responsibility." In other words Mr. Trump, as we say in Queens, don't schlong us.