Being single is a state for the fragile heart. It is a time when you watch your friends start to date, get married or have children. You may also find yourself in the dating world but things are not going well.
As a single man or woman, you become lonely thus begin to explore possibilities which may or may not turn out to be “death traps.” You play Russian roulette with finding the right partner to be with and in return become hurt and broken.
You may also find yourself engaging in scrupulous acts or settling for friends with benefits (FWB) while thinking that being a FWB, is better than not being in a relationship at all. Your soul becomes tied with that of your friend and you may lose your real identity in the process. As a single man/woman, expect the following:
You will have lonely moments
You will feel all alone and sometimes get teary-eyed. Let those times teach you how to find answers to the missing puzzles in your life. Define your needs and values. Focus on where you need to be and how you are going to achieve your goals. You have to be comfortable in your own company and be ready so that you can match up your needs with the partner who will eventually compliment you.
You will sometimes second-guess yourself
There are moments where you will doubt your own abilities and feel incompetent. You may feel overwhelmed by the worries and you trying your best to make things work. Slow down, never doubt yourself and what you can accomplish. Not having a partner in your life should not make you think you are not able to accomplish certain tasks. Keep being yourself, focus on learning and growing. Build your relationship with God and allow Him to guide and lead you.
You will be vulnerable
Not having a partner will make you vulnerable especially when you are lonely. You will jump right into the arms of the first person who shows up and your flaws will be revealed. You may not be desperate but your emotions will act up. Do not be ashamed when this happens. It shows you are human and have feelings. The right person will never make you feel different from who you are but assure you that everything will be okay.
Your married and dating friends will make you feel like an outcast
Your married and dating friends will get on your nerves sometimes especially when they talk about their partners and rub it in your face. Learn to keep your calm. Never compare yourself to them or envy what they have. Remember, everyone’s journey and timing are different. It may seem long but it is how well that matters.
You will sometimes act in despair
You may sometimes settle less than your worth or standards when in despair. You are working hard to please your partner without leaving the room for your partner to know and understand you. Learn to patiently evaluate your needs and standards when you meet someone during this period. Be the love to be found and do not give into the sex at the early stage. Do not play the wife or husband role while being friends or dating. Exercise patience and do not act in desperation thus settling and become hurt in the process. It is better to be alone than to be in a messy relationship.
Learn to trust yourself, be patient with yourself and know that love worth having is worth waiting for.
This material is copyright protected and was originally posted on Kemi’s Website. ©2014 Kemi Sogunle, Excerpt, “Being Single: A State for the Fragile Heart.” by Kemi Sogunle. All Rights Reserved. Order Kemi’s Books on Life and Relationships and learn about the Relationship Readiness Program for Singles.