The Ugliest American

US Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump speaks in New York on May 3, 2016, following the primary in Indiana. 
US Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump speaks in New York on May 3, 2016, following the primary in Indiana. Republican Party chief Reince Priebus declared Tuesday that Donald Trump will be the presumptive Republican presidential nominee, after his main rival Ted Cruz dropped out of the race. / AFP / Jewel SAMAD (Photo credit should read JEWEL SAMAD/AFP/Getty Images)

Happy first day of a half year of living with the possibility (however remote we have to believe it to be in order to stay sane) that Donald Trump -- this crass and crude boor, this bloodthirsty psychopath, this Brobdingnagian narcissist, this proudly misogynistic ignoramus, this pus-filled boil of hate, this odious short-fingered vulgarian -- could be the 45th President of the United States.

Yes, common sense and current polls suggest that this is extremely unlikely, and that a more predictable and satisfying result will be that the man obsessed with winning -- the man for whom there is no insult more damning than "loser" -- will go down in history as the most savagely beaten presidential candidate ever. But how sure can we be that this is how it will play out?

Ridicule is the greatest weapon we have against any politician, and no one reacts worse to mockery than Donald Trump -- to him it is absolute Kryptonite -- so we are dutybound (and few duties are easier) to make fun of him. This will happen on a massive scale. Still, how many of you scoffed at the idea that a reptilian clown like Reagan could be taken seriously? How many sneered at the notion that a moronic frat boy like Bush could come close enough to steal the presidency? I did both, so I do not assume that a Trump White House -- and what a grotesque image that phrase conjures up -- is an impossibility, especially in an era when crazy is the new sane and there is no bottom.

Donald Trump is the Ugliest American we've ever seen, on any level imaginable and not just in politics but in all of public life. Think about the enormity of that. Think about the hideousness of the thousands of detestation-worthy people we've endured in our lives -- Nixon and Reagan and all Bushes, Palin and Limbaugh and Helms and Cruz, Quayle and Rubio and Bachmann and Gohmert and Walker, Wallace and Christie and Thurmond and O'Reilly and Cheney and Giuliani, Beck and Gingrich and Inhofe and McConnell and Hannity and Scalia and McCain (yes, he belongs here, he gave us Palin and has never repented), and however many names I may think of later and add to this list as a Facebook post -- and really take in the fact that the Republican party will nominate for the office of President of the United States someone who's actually a worse human than any of those mentioned.

Seriously, as any sentient being must recognize, this is quite a moment.