The 'Oscars' Gift Bag Is Absolutely Bonkers, And It Comes With A Catch

Anyone need a cellulite massage mat?
In it for the SWAG.
Sucek via Getty Images
In it for the SWAG.

Most celebrities attending the Oscars on Sunday don’t need any freebies, but they’re still getting a goodie bag worth over six figures.

The unofficial Oscars bag, aptly called “Everyone Wins,” comes from the LA-based marketing company Distinctive Assets. The group has given out the swanky swag bags for the past 15 years, though as stated in a press release, they’re not affiliated with the awards themselves or the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences in any way.

The swag bags are handed out in the weeks before and after the awards, according to an emailed statement from a rep for the bags, though only 26 lucky nominees can get them (the host plus the people nominated in the Best Actor and Actress, Best Supporting Actor and Actress and Best Director categories).

Some of the crazy freebies include insane trips to exclusive resorts, plastic surgery procedures and lots of diamonds. There are even simpler items included in the bags, like personalized Crayola crayons, cases of apples, a CPR kit and underarm sweat patches.

Below are the 9 craziest items Distinctive Assets is giving away:

1. A free, 5-night stay at a resort in Kauai, Hawaii.

#PalmTrees = #Paradise Come stay with us in paradise on #Kauai #Hawaii #Aloha #KauaiVilla #NoSnowHere

A post shared by Koloa Landing Resort (@koloalandingresort) on

2. A full wardrobe from women’s clothing line Belldini.

3. A Casper mattress for both the nominee and their dog.

4. A few Dandi underarm patches to wick up sweat.

For when you're sweating over who will win Best Actor or Actress.
Dandi Patch
For when you're sweating over who will win Best Actor or Actress.

5. A 3-night stay at an Italian hotel overlooking the Gulf of Naples and Mount Vesuvius.

"The trip of a lifetime!" #grandhotelexcelsiorvittoria #sorrento #italy #travel #leadinghotels #beexcelsiorvittoria #italia #excelsiorvittoria

A post shared by Grand Hotel Excelsior Vittoria (@excelsiorvittoria) on

6. A 10-YEAR SUPPLY of foundation and moisturizer from Oxygenetix.

7. A dual chamber vaporizer.

Welcome news for <a href="" target="_blank" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-internal-link" data-vars-item-name="Leonardo DiCaprio." data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="58ac6da3e4b02a1e7dac2663" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="" data-vars-target-content-type="buzz" data-vars-type="web_internal_link" data-vars-subunit-name="article_body" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="8">Leonardo DiCaprio.</a>
Welcome news for Leonardo DiCaprio.

8. A couple of CPR training kits from the American Heart Association.

9. A cellulite massage mat from Sweetcheeks.

Sure, none of these gifts will take away the sting of losing an Oscar, but it’s better than walking away completely empty-handed.

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