I sit alone in my room, barricading the cat from pawing all over my precious laptop and my highly-allergic face, fan blowing cool air, cold drinks beside me, and I work. I listen to the dogs barking outside, the angry mom (or maybe she’s a daycare? I certainly hope not) screaming at the children to do this-or-that, the neighbor’s lawnmowers buzzing while my lawn is starved for attention, and I work. My throat is sore and I feel weak, I am all alone, I have no one to take care of me and deadlines loom, so I work. Even though my mind is racing about the million things I must get done today, and somewhere deeper in my mind I’m worried about getting more clients, and somewhere deeper is this little person who is terrified of it all falling apart, and all I want to do is curl up under the covers and take a nap because I’m sick, I work.
While my friends get to enjoy their weekends, I work. I skip the camping trips, family outings, and vacations if I need to, and people have come to understand that the job comes first, and it always will. When I take a few days off, it can’t be too adventurous, because once the internet goes away, my anxiety skyrockets. Being the CEO means always being on call, always being poised, always calm, cool, collected, strong, confident...While the whispering thoughts try their hardest to hold me back.
It will never be enough...You’ll never get ahead...They didn’t like your pitch...You won’t get another big client...
I know the whispering thoughts are not truth. I know I am damn good at what I do, and my clients love me. I know I will only continue to grow. So instead of looking for a way out, instead of giving excuses or creating a “Plan B”, I only have this path. Mistakes will be made, but every new day is full of opportunity and adventure. The life of an entrepreneur is not for most. The life of most is not for me. I embrace every day, drowning out the whispering thoughts, the negative people, and I push forward. Always pushing, pushing, pushing...To freedom.