The Will - Notes From a Dive Bar


A bar napkin, a touch soggy.

I leave all my regrets, guilt and anger to this napkin
Legally binding

A signature, the date, lipstick sealed.

An inheritance. What shall I do with it?

Regrets: I could spend them at a restaurant known for poisoning the customers. Is there a long term investment return on regrets? Maybe call Charles Schwab -- Hello Chuck, what are the profits on regret these days?

Guilt: I could donate a portion of it to the Vatican. They probably have some storage space. Or maybe I can think of guilt as a heavy metal. Is it convertible into gold? You need broad shoulders to carry such weight. Will it to Hercules.

Anger: I could take the baseball bat we keep beneath the bar and smash every liquor bottle to smithereens like the previous owner attempted. Snap! A clear and present danger in any dive bar. Or I could explode into a rage of unbridled torrent when asked, do you make Pina Coladas? Anger inheritance needs proper management. You're fired!

I look at the lipstick. One thinks of good fortune.