Weird News

The Year In Florida 2013

Florida. The Sunshine State. The melting pot of melting pots. The land of the violent naked pooping masturbator.

This year was huge for (weird, insane) Florida stories. We love the material that comes out of Florida just as much as the folks over at the Sun-Sentinel, so we compiled our list of 2013's best.

What's your favorite story that showed up on the Weird News page? Check them out below and vote in the comments.

The Attractive Convict
She was arrested three years ago for reckless driving. This year, Meagan Simmons and her mugshot were convicted of stealing the heart of the Internet.
The Chicken Church
A congregation in Florida is crying fowl after passersby realized that its church looks exactly like a chicken. God works in mysterious ways, but not this one, according to an employee at Church By The Sea in Madeira Beach. "We're not fond of it being called the 'Chicken Church,'" she said. "It's attracting people to us for all the wrong reasons. I don't think they're attracted to come in and worship, I think they're making fun of it." OK, but it looks like a chicken. Go Florida!
The Mother Daughter Porn Team
There's nothing more Florida than a mother-daughter porn team. At least, that's what we thought. The Sexxxtons have made headlines with their keeping-it-in-the-family way of life, but things got crazier this year when the Tampa-based duo announced that they're looking for a father-and-son team to get down to business with. As far as we know, that offer is still on the table.
The Skunk Ape
In the Pacific Northwest, we call him Bigfoot, or Sasquatch. In Florida, they call him the Skunk Ape. He's either the stinky cousin of the hairy legend, or he's just been hanging out in Sarasota County too long. YOU BE THE JUDGE.
The Robot Butt
After years of research, scientists finally came up with the apex of Florida video games -- the virtual prostate exam. OK, the robotic butt isn't for pleasure (or is it). Doctors can use it to train for their prostate exams without ever entering ... a hospital.
The Mermaid Who Was Barred From Swimming
Floridian Jenni Conti's mermaid name is "Eden Sirene." Normally, that'd be enough information for a Florida story. But no -- Sirene was barred from swimming in a Fishhawk pool because of its "no-fin" policy. She was last heard saying, "I wanna be where the Miami are."
The Dog That Shot His Owner
Wow. Such Florida. So ouch. Very pain. A dog in Highlands County kicked his owner's loaded, .380 pistol and it discharged, firing a round into Gregory Lanier's leg. Lanier was fine. Had this been an obituary, we wouldn't have made so many amazing puns in our story, but Lanier was fine. Man's best friend, indeed.
The Violent Naked Pooping Masturbator
This is a contender for Florida story of the decade. As we all know, in Florida there are violent people, naked people, poopers and masturbators -- but rarely is one man the total package. Gregory Bruni is allegedly that package. He reportedly started on the roof of a North Fort Myers home, then defecated and masturbated inside. He was naked. Then, he pulled a big-screen TV off the wall, rubbed some of the family's clothes on his face, and avoided gunfire before police arrived.
The Tycoon Who Adopted His Girlfriend
Polo tycoon John Goodman called it getting his money right. A Florida court called it fraud. Goodman tried to adopt his girlfriend, Heather Hutchins, so some $16 million would be funneled to her, instead of the lawsuits he was embroiled in with his ex-wife. He probably should have focused more on his appeal to a 2010 conviction in which he drunkenly crashed into a 23-year-old in Wellington, sending the victim's car into a canal where he drowned.
The Men Who Left Their Kids For The Strip Club
This happens a lot in Florida. There were so many men who left their kids in the car -- while they enjoyed local strip joints -- that we couldn't name just one. So, they all win? The man above, Jordan Caraway, allegedly left his 3-year-old child in the truck at about 1 a.m. while he boozed inside Dixie's Gentlemen's Club. Read the story to meet the others.

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