Peter, Peter, Peter….
Why are you doing this to yourself? You were asked nicely and politely to meet with your constituents from Glen Ellyn by the League of Women Voters. You said no. I wrote you an open letter, pleading with you to meet with us and participate in a town hall. And still, nothing. Instead, just as I feared, #SquirrelyRoskam started trending. I told you that might happen!
And now, you are turning things around and acting like you are the victim here, Peter. We’re not “harassing” you, Peter, this is just part of your job that you’re being asked to do. We are not a circus; we are your constituents. We all have parts of our jobs that we don’t like doing, Peter, but that doesn’t mean we just opt out of them. Why, if we did that, we’d be out of a job! Something you should really think about as we inch ever closer to 2018.
Take my job as a musician, for example. If I were to act like you, I would stand backstage, hiding behind the curtain, refusing to come out and play for my constituents—the audience. If I did that for one night, just one little concert—boom, I’d be out of a job.
There’s no place like home, Peter. We know you come back to visit. In fact, we know you’re coming back to meet with a very select group of folks from your hometown next week. Why the secrecy? Why the hiding? Are you scared? You should find your courage, Peter! Right now, you seem like the Cowardly Lion.
And how can you back this silly ACA that your friend Trump is floating? This is against your constituents’ best interests, Peter. You know we all voted for Hillary and not your Friend Of Putin (FOP). Why are you voting in lockstep with the FOP? Use your brain to make decisions for yourself. You have a brain, right? Because we are all scratching our heads back home over fact you voted against the FOP releasing his tax returns. Please assure us that you’re not like the Scarecrow, searching all over Oz for a brain.
Peter, we are begging you: think of the refugee families that live in the 6th District. Do you really want children separated from their parents? Families, torn apart? Have you no heart? Are you like the Tin Man, an empty, hollow chest where your heart should be? Instead of using oil lubricating your joints, are you using all that money from your big donors? Are those the only constituents you listen to—the ones who lube up your joints with their big bucks?
We are on to you, Peter. You seem lost. We will help you Follow The Yellow Brick Road home, to meet with your constituents of the 6th District of Illinois. We will be waiting for you come April, when we announce your Welcome Home Party. Will you be there? We sure will be, with or without you.
You’ll be seeing us and hearing from us a lot until then. Look for us- we’ll be Somewhere Over the Rainbow, handing out Munchkins as we talk about your voting record; distributing lollipops as we inform voters of your track record and refusal to meet with them; you may even see some new hashtags trending about this. Something like, #TheresNoPlaceLikeHomeIL06?
Oh, and, watch for us on the news. We’ll see you soon, Peter.
Your Lollipop Guild