I have been blessed with the ability to love, completely and totally. I get it from my mom; she can fall in love with a moment, a pet, or a person head first, straight into the deep end. It’s not always ideal of course, unless you’re the person on the other end of that love—when you’re that person it’s fantastic.
This post about not getting married again struck a chord with me.
Having been married “several” times, I can say for certain that it comes with a ridiculous amount of shame. In fact, if you feel the need to judge someone that has been divorced once or more, let me help you out and tell you to spare us and save it. Us divorcees, no matter how many times over, pass enough judgement on ourselves for you to go ahead and use that energy elsewhere. When I put my regret and shame aside however, I see that my unencumbered way of falling in love and knowing that it’s one of life’s greatest experiences, is one of the best parts about me.
“Of course I didn’t go into either of these marriages thinking they were temporary — who would do that? In being willing to try again, to open myself up to love again and again.”
I didn’t have a failed marriage, I had a successful breeding project with a wonderful man that will always be dear to me. In the other, I got an achingly beautiful life lesson that taught me more about myself than I could have ever learned on my own. Of course I didn’t go into either of these marriages thinking they were temporary — who would do that? In being willing to try again, to open myself up to love again and again, I am proving my great optimism and belief that having a partner is one of life’s most precious gifts. And if I get that gift one than once, well...how lucky am I?
We chose to have our romantic relationships involve a piece of paper from the county that solidified our agreement. It was a risk, sure, but it came with rewards aplenty. Like it or not, our culture has been set-up for married couples. It’s seen as an accomplishment to get married and however I may disagree with that, it doesn’t change the fact that certain things are just easier in life when you’re married. Is that reason enough to get married? God no. But it’s certainly enough to acknowledge it exists. I am smart, successful, and self-confident…. and more than once I’ve been a Mrs. I’ve shared my life, my home, and my bed with another human that, like me, pledged to love and be my person. And each time they did and they were, no matter that it ended up having an expiration date.
On the flip side of this coin, I wouldn’t walk onto a car lot today and expect to purchase something that will last me the rest of my life. Right now I need an SUV with four-wheel drive and plenty of cargo room, but in twenty years I may be interested in something that easily swings into a parking spot and gets better gas milage. I have no idea how my needs may change. None of us do. But I do know that I likely will always want a vehicle of some sort. Even though I’ve wrecked two since I got my drivers license 20 years ago, I’m expecting the world to be understanding and see me as trustworthy. I’m hoping that I won’t be judged for my past mistakes and have my license revoked for good. I certainly would do the same for someone else.
There are thousands of reasons to get married. Just as there are thousands of reasons to get divorced and all of them are deeply personal and should not be subjected to scrutiny from someone on the outside. If you want to get a tattoo and declare that you will never marry again, I commend you. I think it’s awesome that you are strong in self and have a plan for your future. I won’t judge you if for some reason you change your mind.
Just don’t judge me because I love love.