President Obama's giving his final State of the Union address tonight at 9pm ET. Make some noooooiiiiiseeee.
Vice President Joe Biden and House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI) have box seats behind Obama. Prepare for uncoordinated facial expressions. Also on the invite list: the Cabinet, the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the Supreme Court, and members of Congress. First Lady Michelle Obama's invited some VIPs to sit with her.
WHO'S NOT GOING?
One lucky Cabinet member gets to hang back with all the important passwords in case something bad happens. This is supposed to comfort you.
CAN I GET A CHEAT SHEET?
But of course. Obama's advisers have been dropping hints about what he'll talk about. Spoiler alert...
"The economy"...as in the US unemployment rate is better than it was before the recession, and the Fed recently decided to back off the last of its post-crisis hand-holding. Obama will say that's because his policies are paying off. The GOP presidential candidates beg to differ.
"The migrant and refugee crisis"...as in it's still a crisis. Since last year's Paris attacks, there's been a debate about whether to halt or slow the number of Syrian refugees coming to the US. Obama's very much on the welcome committee, and will shout out to one of MObama's guests -- a Syrian refugee who recently moved to the US.
"National security"...as in ISIS is still on everybody's sh*t list. Obama's leading the international coalition against the group in Syria and Iraq. But the group spent the last year recruiting supporters to carry out attacks on western countries, so he may have to address what the Carrie Mathisons are doing to keep the homeland safe.
"Immigration"...as in GOP candidates have been swinging more to the right on immigration proposals in recent months, with phrases like 'big, beautiful wall' coming up a lot. Mr. Prez will say that's not what 'Murica's about.
"Gun control"...as in the First Lady's guest box will also include an empty chair for victims of gun violence. In the wake of Newtown, and more recent shootings in places like San Bernardino, tightening gun control laws has been on the top of the president's to-do list.
There's a post-game party. Gov. Nikki Haley (R-SC) will give a rebuttal for the GOP. She's the one who pushed for the Confederate flag to come down on SC gov. grounds after last year's Charleston shooting. PS -- many are saying she could show up on the GOP ticket as Veep later this year. Stay tuned.
This speech will be less of a to-do list and more of a greatest hits tour of Obama's presidency. But it's still an election year. And the president would really like to pass the torch to a Democrat. So if it feels kinda like a campaign speech, that's because it is.