They Don't Know the Life of a Foster Child

A group of kids in a tug-of-war game
A group of kids in a tug-of-war game

Prejudgment, false conception, and assumptions are a few of the many things that foster kids deal with on a constant basis.

Person after person gets a file that may or may not contain true information about you. They don't know you, but they think they do because a piece of paper tells them what to think about you before meeting you. Most are lies, exaggerated and are stories told by foster mothers that never treated you right in the first place.

You are put on display like a piece of meat, for the parents to make their selections. They're looking at your height, how skinny or fat you are, your skin complexion and hair type, to figure out whether or not you fit the image of what they want their temporary kid to look like. They might take you if you're cute enough or aren't overweight, or they might not. If they take you, you fear they'll be like the last mom that talked about you bad in front of their friends and family, that bullied you, that kept reminding you that "you aren't my real kid anyway, you're lucky I took you in because no one else wanted you."

You have no say so in who you want to live with. The workers, they don't know about the way the last mom treated you, and they will more than likely tell you not to prejudge this new mom.

You don't know if the look on the new mom's face is genuine or if it's a "front" face for the social workers to see. If you aren't selected, you're left there to feel like you're not good enough, like no one loves or likes you, because so far; no one has. You come out, they look at you, you're sent back to whatever room you came out of and you wait to see if this is the mom you've cried for and wanted for the past three years or more.

Molested from 3-6 in foster care, molested at 14 in a new foster home, raped at 14 while in a different foster home; they never knew because no one asked. My title had already been "promiscuous girl" and "fast" before they even learned anything about me or asked me anything about the false report they'd received before selecting me to come home with them. They don't know that I never even engaged in consensual sex until I was 16. They don't know that I was humped and touched on for three years as a baby, and that's why I acted out sexually as a young child. They don't know because no one ever thought to see why a baby would be acting out in that manner at such a young age. Blamed before you did anything, you already know what's in store.

Unless they have lived it, breathed it and endured through it, many don't know what a lot of foster kids go through. To be constantly rejected, unwanted and unloved takes a toll as time goes on. Not all foster kids are bad, not all have issues, not all have asked to be put into the system. Most of them are sweet, loving kids who want to be loved back the right way by somebody that sees value and not money associated with their presence. I wrote my book to speak on behalf of all foster children that have went through any of the things I've endured. I wrote my story so those that don't know can learn the true stories behind the foster care system. They don't know, and will never know, unless more people are unafraid to share their stories.