Things I Did While Watching 'Making a Murderer'

** FILE ** Steven Avery looks around a courtroom in the Calumet County Courthouse before the verdict was read in his trial, M
** FILE ** Steven Avery looks around a courtroom in the Calumet County Courthouse before the verdict was read in his trial, March 18, 2007, in Chilton, Wis. Avery was found guilty of first-degree intentional homicide in the murder of photographer Teresa Halbach. Avery, who spent 18 years in prison for a rape he didn't commit only to be convicted of committing a murder 3½ years after he left prison, said Tuesday, April 17, 2007, he is confident he will again be exonerated. (AP Photo/Jeffrey Phelps, Pool, File)

Warning: Spoilers for Making a Murderer ahead.

1. Read about how gripping Making a Murderer is.

2. Checked how much running time episodes had left.

3. Tweeted about how gripping Making a Murderer is.

4. Googled the definition of "deposition."

5. Tutted, shook my head, said "shit."

6. Asked my wife what had just happened.

7. Checked the number of episodes in the series.

8. Tried to resist judging people because of the state of their bedrooms.

9. Impersonated the lead prosecutor's voice.

10. Told my wife that there's as obvious a class system in America as there is in the UK.

11. Thought about a program called Mac-ing a Murderer, where an iPad is used by police to catch a killer.

12. Scratched my middle class balls.

13. Bet my wife that the lead prosecutor would later be involved in a sex scandal.

14. Asked my wife if that part of America insists on strange hair-styles.

15. Felt a bit teary when the nice defense lawyer spoke to camera.

16. Was convinced that both Avery and his nephew were innocent.

17. Counted the number of euphemisms for "low intelligence."

18. Made a vague decision as to how I'd dispose of a body.

19. Said "it's getting late" when my wife suggested watching another episode.

20. Threatened my wife with divorce due to the details of the case she revealed following an ill-advised Google.

21. Skipped the title sequence.

22. Searched Amazon for denim dungarees.

23. Wondered how I'd cope in prison and wondered how easy it would be to get a job in the prison library.

24. Drank alcohol.

25. Thought about a program called Mac-ing a Murderer, where Columbo (and his mac coat) are used to catch a killer.

26. Tweeted opaque references to the series in an attempt to look "with it."

27. Felt sad.

28. Tried to cheer myself up by attempting the local accent sotto voce.

29. Won my bet that the lead prosecutor would later be involved in a sex scandal.

30. Checked out a Buzzfeed article about celebrities that went from not to hot.

31. Double-checked the number of episodes in the series.

32. Said something about Serial and how, of course, Truman Capote was doing all this back in the '60s.

33. Was accused by my wife of "not even watching it."

34. Was convinced that both Avery and his nephew were guilty.

35. Made vague statements about how the narrative guided the viewer's sympathies.

36. Thought about Avery's mother's face.

37. Thought about a program called Baking a Murderer: Great British Bake Off meets Making a Murderer.

38. Thought about Avery's mother's dresses.

39. Moaned to my wife about the large number of Internet pieces about the show.

40. Felt pleased I'd (probably) never have to seek justice in the U.S. court system.

This post originally appeared on Slackjaw, a new home for humor on Medium.