21 Things I REALLY Want for Christmas as a Mom

I want everyone to lick or wipe the peanut butter off the spoon before dropping it in the sink. Better yet, lick it off and drop it in the dishwasher.
11/30/2015 10:01am ET | Updated November 30, 2016
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.
Presents in front of Christmas tree.

For weeks now, my kids have been asking me what I want for Christmas. And I have said the thing that I am supposed to say, that I always say -- I don't need anything. I just want all of my children to be happy and healthy. It's true. I don't need anything. And I do want my children to be happy and healthy.

But they are good children, so no matter how often I say that I really don't need anything, they will pool their money and buy me a new bathrobe or nightgown or a maybe well-intentioned kitchen gadget. And I'll be grateful because I know they are buying me presents because they love me and want to show me that they care.

But here's the thing. I'm lying. I don't just want healthy, happy kids. Sure, that's the most important thing, but there are a few other things that I desperately want. So maybe this year I will give my family my real Christmas list...

1. I want everyone to lick or wipe the peanut butter off the spoon before dropping it in the sink. Better yet, lick it off and drop it in the dishwasher.

2. I want never to hear the word SHOTGUN! again.

3. I want never to open the cabinet and find a box with approximately two tablespoons of cereal left in it.

4. I want a vehicle free of dead french fries and straw wrappers.

5. I want all the socks in the whole world (or at least in my house) to find and keep their forever mates.

6. I want kitchen countertops free from crumbs.

7. I want someone else to feed the dog. C'mon, that was the deal.

8. I want to stop pretending that the little flecks of green in the pasta are seasonings. It's spinach, y'all. OK? It has always been spinach.

9. I want to sit down with my coffee or my computer or my book for more than five minutes at a time before someone says, "Hey Mama! Will you..."

10. I want to always be able to find a pen. And my scissors. And the duct tape. Seriously. Who keeps running off with the duct tape?

11. I want to stop repeating myself.

12. I want to stop repeating myself.

13. I want a TV show that comes on during primetime that I can watch with my whole family and that does not involve wildlife or wild lives or people wearing camo or having sex -- and that will not be interrupted by commercials for tampons, erectile disfunction or Victoria's Secret.

14. I want to learn how to use the television remote control, and I want the kids to forget how to use the television remote control.

15. I want, just now and then, to arrive at church with a relaxed, well-dressed family at least 15 minutes early.

16. I want to pray more as a family.

17. I want to play more as a family.

18. I want to sit down to dinner more often.

19. I want to cook from scratch, and I want someone else to clean the kitchen.

20. I want more nights at home with my family and fewer nights all going in different directions.

21. I want to slow down time.

Obviously, some of the things on my list are within my family's power to give me and some are not. But in the end, I know I will get a bathrobe or a nightgown or a kitchen gadget. And that's OK. Because even though whatever I get might not come with a lifetime supply of spotless kitchens or perfectly matched socks, it will come with love. And besides, I really could use a new bathrobe.

The original version of this post appeared on Charming Farming.

Also on HuffPost:

Elf Shaming