A few days ago, I was sitting in my office writing this post, and Hubs walked in. This is rare, because he knows that when I'm writing, my office is like the Bermuda Triangle. People who come in here while I'm trying to be interesting and witty are often never seen again.
"Whatcha doing?" he asked. Rolling my eyes, I smiled, "I'm writing a new post. It's called '50 Things That Are Sometimes Better Than Sex'" "What??" he choked out. "You think there are 50 things better than having sex with me, and you're putting them on your blog??" "I didn't say better than sex with you. I'm talking about sex in general. Way before you," I tried to reassure him. Looking like I just shot his dog, he looked at me and asked, "And there are 50 things?" "Well," I replied, "there's actually more, but space is limited, so I had to pick the best ones." "So how long did it take you to come up with all these?" "About half an hour." "50 things in half an hour??" As he turned to head out the door, I distinctly heard him grumble, "Just so you know, this is why I don't read your blog." Probably a good call, sweetie.
So here's The List. Enjoy! If I left anything out, I'd love to read yours in the comments. Now I'm going down the hall to assure Hubs that we will never speak of this again.
1. Warm, gooey chocolate chip cookies, right out of the oven.
2. Finding your most coveted, I'll-never-be-able-to-afford-it-ever handbag on eBay for half price.
3. Getting into your skinny jeans for the first time in five years.
4. That moment when your workout is over, and you feel like a badass.
5. The way your dog shakes, twirls, and barks with joy because he missed you just so much when
you get back from getting the mail (at the end of the driveway).
6. Watching "The Notebook." For the 217th time. And still crying. Every. Single. Time.
7. The exquisite shampoo head massage your hair stylist give you before she cuts your hair.
8. The smell of Cinn-a-Bons in the mall food court.
9. Finding the perfect little black dress.
10. Robert Redford. In The Horse Whisperer. And The Way We Were. And Butch Cassidy &the Sundance Kid. Actually, Robert Redford, in anything.
11. Finding a gynecologist who doesn't make you feel awkward.
12. Afternoon naps.
13. The first hot summer day of the year.
14. Downloading the perfect mix on your iPod.
15. Milk Duds, because...chocolate.
16. The first sip of your favorite red wine at the end of a stressful day.
17. Huge, it'll-all-work-out bear hugs when you've had a bad day.
18. A dozen perfect, pale pink roses.
19. Sharing an unrestrained, blow-Diet-Coke-out-of-your-nose belly laugh with your BFF.
20.When a total stranger meets you and asks, "Are you the writer?"
21. Selling your book to someone other than your editor and your mother.
22. Long, slow kisses. With no other agenda.
23. Seeing your grandchildren jump out of the car and run to you, arms out wide, big smiles, yelling "Grandma!!"
24. A big, fat book you've been dying to read, and a hammock in the shade. And Hubs has taken the kids.
25. Your pussycat asleep and purring on your chest as you lie on the couch.
26. Finally finding a hair stylist that "gets" your hair.
27. Getting flowers at work, for no reason, from someone who loves you.
28. Tillamook Strawberry Ice Cream. For dinner.
29. Taking your convertible out for a drive on that perfect sunny day.
30. Running into an old boyfriend while wearing your perfect little black dress.
31. Finding $100 in the pocket of a jacket you wore last year.
32. 30-minute foot massages. Bliss.
33. The first morning pee, that you've been holding in since 3 a.m. because you didn't want to get out of bed. (C'mon, you know what I'm talking about.)
34. Watching your adult child be a parent. And discovering he's better at it than you were.
35. The first time you say, "I love you."
36. The first time someone says it back.
37. Crawling into clean, fresh sheets when you're exhausted.
38. Wine tasting at your favorite vineyards on a beautiful day. And you're not the DD.
39. Getting off an airplane and spotting your favorite people excitedly waiting to greet you.
40. Kicking off your heels after a hard day at work and running through the grass in your bare feet.
41. Thick, fresh, oversized towels when you get out of the shower. Even better if they're warm.
42. The peaceful silence of early morning when you're up and everyone else is still sleeping.
43. Folgers commercials of servicemen and women coming home and surprising their loved ones.
44. The day your adult child walks through the door after a year in Iraq.
45. The perfect Chicago Char steak. Rare on the insider and charred on the outside. You make the
salad. I'll get the corkscrew.
46. Having a girlfriend you can compare notes with about your sex lives. And nothing is off-limits.
47. The uninhibited laughter of a small child.
48. Going to your 40th high school reunion and realizing you actually look pretty damn good.
49. Realizing that your menopause phase is actually over.
50. Nordstrom Semi-Annual fall sale. And a totally clean credit card.
How to vote
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In-person early voting dates: Varies by state
General Election: Nov 3, 2020
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