This Giving Tuesday, Consider Giving a Fuck

Let’s take time to help out, volunteer, give thanks, and showcase what America is all about

Somewhere along the way, caring became uncool.

We’ve seen this trope play out in a number of situations — when someone doesn’t text us back, when your friend goes out the night before a big test and still gets an ‘A,’ when someone doesn’t wear a helmet while biking.

PAUSE: Holy shit, not wearing a bike helmet is so dumb. It’s so easy to wear a helmet. But people still don’t do it. Why? I vividly remember kids making fun of me as a child for always wearing a bike helmet because I looked so stupid. Specifically this kid named Jeff. Fuck Jeff. I still wore one. I wanted to be safe. Did you know that almost 75% of bike accidents involve a head injury? UNPAUSE

New Boyz even named an album after being too cool to care!! This is science.

Sure, in some ways, not giving a shit is amazing — liberating, even. It feels great to do what makes you happy and not care what others think. I’m my happiest when I’m doing things for myself and not to impress others or get people to like me..like when I stay in on a Friday night to listen to a podcast instead of meeting friends at a crowded, overly expensive (crowded) bar. Do I still make up excuses as to why I’m doing that? Sure I do.

A dramatic reenactment

Friends: You coming out tonight? It’s a Friday.

Me: Sorry, my dog is sick and I need to stay in.

Friends: But you don’t have a dog?

Me: [goes to far lengths to adopt a dog & instagrams picture]

But here’s the thing

It’s nothing revolutionary, but as nice as it is to not care, at a certain point we have to. It’s our responsibility. Especially now. Especially about things that may not affect us directly on a day-to-day basis. That’s what Giving Tuesday is all about.

After a week of capitalistic shenanigans (shoutout to the new bathrobe I bought), Giving Tuesday is an easy opportunity and reminder to put others first.

I get it, “guy who skydives to work every day and has never had an emotional relationship,” not caring is Totally Your Brand. But hear me out:

I truly believe everyone begins life with a certain amount of fucks to give. When you run out of fucks to give, you die. Unless you’re Russell Brand. That’s how it works. I never really practiced Judaism that intently so this is my religion, okay? Anyways, people have a certain amount of fucks to give — we have a wallet of fucks and you can spend them anywhere — on romance, on your career, on movie endings that you think are dumb, etc. Much like money, everyone spends their fucks on different things, but the important part is that you spend them.

And good news! The market for fucks is great. In fact, it’s been steadily improving.

Now is the perfect time to give a fuck

The GOP tax bill is detrimental, net neutrality is in danger, nazis are being normalized, our health care is constantly being threatened, hate crimes have been on the rise, and Pixar’s CoCo isn’t even a perfect 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Huh???? As bad as 2017 has been (and it’s sucked), we all still have some fucks to give. We need to give more fucks. We need to give all the fucks.

Whether it’s money, time, gratitude (or, sure, yeah, an actual fuck), let’s put aside the cynicism and do good, even if just for a day.

Here are some places that need our help:

So, this Giving Tuesday, dance like nobody’s watching, but donate, show gratitude, help out, volunteer and save America like we have a narcissistic, racist, dumbass in the Oval Office.

This Giving Tuesday, please consider giving a fuck.

Learn more about Giving Tuesday here.

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