John McCane and his husband-to-be, Salaphaty Rao, live on opposite sides of the world -- McCane in Peebles, Ohio, and Rao in Melbourne, Australia. Against innumerable odds, faith (and Facebook) brought these two soulmates together.
Earlier this year, they got a chance to celebrate their remarkable love story in a deeply meaningful way -- with big, beautiful Hindu engagement ceremony. But much had to happen for them to get to that point.
Advertisement
McCane, 28, was raised as a Protestant Christian. He was exposed to Hindu philosophy and scripture during visits to India.
One of the things that drew him to Hinduism was how its scriptures have a history of accepting gender fluidity. Although politically and culturally, LGBT rights in India have a long way to go, ancient Hindu scriptures tell stories of gods who changed genders, gods who cross dressed, gods who were born from two males or two females, and gods who are of a "third sex."
Christian theology didn't seem to have a place for him. But Hinduism did.
"For me, Christianity felt alienating .... especially living in a conservative area, it was very hard for me to connect with it," McCane told The Huffington Post. "But the gender fluidity [in Hinduism] was absolutely wonderful and that really hit a note with me."
He eventually moved to India and began studying for priesthood in the Sri Vaishnava tradition, a denomination within Hinduism. When he returned to Ohio, McCane set up a worship space in his house, all the while dreaming of building a temple of his own in the future.
Advertisement
Oceans away, Rao was going through his own faith journey. The 23-year-old was born in Malaysia to a family of Indian heritage that, providentially, also followed the Sri Vaishnava tradition. Rao moved to Melbourne for college, and according to McCane, became deeply involved in the Hindu community there, often visiting people's houses to help them conduct ritual ceremonies.
Rao started connecting with other LGBT people through a Facebook group for LGBT Hindus -- the same group that McCane was involved with, back in the United States. One day, McCane posted a link that sparked Rao's interest, and the two started chatting.
"The first time we talked, we talked for eight and a half hours straight," McCane told HuffPost. "It was such a bond, something that absolutely clicked between us."
Advertisement
The pair met in person in India in 2013 and decided to take a train trip around the country to show each other their favorite places.
"When we finally met, it was amazing, a breath of fresh air," McCane said. "There were some absolutely horrible parts when he became very ill and I had to take care of him, and other small adventures. It really helped us to grow together. [By the end of the trip,] there was enough of a connection that I was willing to try to do a long distance relationship."
During the summer of 2015, Rao proposed to McCane during a trip to the United States. The couple wanted to make sure that Rao's family also had the opportunity to celebrate with them.
So in February this year, Rao's family threw the couple a big engagement party. Since the pair couldn't find a priest willing to perform the ceremony, Rao did it himself.
Advertisement
McCane said that throughout it all, he was "floored" by the amount of support that Rao's family and friends showered on the couple.
"His family was completely involved and supportive, from grandparents in their 80s and 70s, to middle-aged families, everyone, because they have an absolute love for him," McCane said.
The couple is planning to have two weddings next year -- one in the U.S. and one either in Melbourne or India. McCane is hoping that Rao can eventually move to America so that they can live on the same continent for the first time.
No matter what the future holds in store for them, McCane said that he and his husband-to-be share the same dream -- to open up an eco-sustainable temple and ashram that is welcoming to people of all faiths, sexual orientations, and gender expressions.
"It was very unique to meet someone else with that same dream," McCane said.
Scroll down for images from this couple's engagement ceremony.
Rose water, rice and sugar candy offered to each guest as they enter.
John W. McCane
Some candid shots before the rituals begin.
Advertisement
John W. McCane
Johns symbolic procession to Salaphatyâs family home.
John W. McCane
Salaphaty and his mother waiting to welcome John in and ward of the evil eye before the rituals.
John W. McCane
Salaphatyâs mother (Simsalaram) removing the evil eye by waving a camphor flame (Dhrishti).
Advertisement
John W. McCane
Salaphatyâs parents before the rituals begin.
John W. McCane
. The beginning of the Niscayatartha. In the ritual we both promise to create a union and I (John) am accepted into Salaphatyâs family. Here our dear friends took the place of my own parents so that they could symbolically agree to have me join with my new family.
John W. McCane
The auspicious Purnakumbha (ritual vessel) as well as offering that will be made and then distributed to the guests as well as the box containing our engagement rings.
Advertisement
John W. McCane
New clothes that we will wear after the rituals as well as flower garlands for us to signify our bond.
John W. McCane
As the couple found no priest willing to conduct the ceremony, Salaphaty, who is a fully trained priest, conducted the rituals himself.
John W. McCane
Salapthatyâs parents offering a new set of clothing to John to welcome him into the family.
Advertisement
John W. McCane
Salaphaty symbolically receiving new clothing as well.
John W. McCane
After having changed the two partners now enter back into the hall to receive the blessing of everyone present.
John W. McCane
Everyone throws rice to bless us
Advertisement
John W. McCane
The engaged now sit so that each attendee can come offering sandalwood paste, kum kum (Vermillion), rose water and rice to symbolize their blessing on the promises made.
John W. McCane
More Riceâ¦
John W. McCane
Finally exchanging the engagement rings.
Advertisement
John W. McCane
Eggless Cake cutting⦠not a part of the tradition but yummy
John W. McCane
Mehindi in a very traditional style was applied to both of our hands and feet.
John W. McCane
Exchanging garlands to solidify our promises
Advertisement
John W. McCane
Salaphaty giving John his garland.
John W. McCane
The happy couple.
John W. McCane
The happy couple.
Advertisement
John W. McCane
The happy couple.
Support HuffPost
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.
Whether you come to HuffPost for updates on the 2024 presidential race, hard-hitting investigations into critical issues facing our country today, or trending stories that make you laugh, we appreciate you. The truth is, news costs money to produce, and we are proud that we have never put our stories behind an expensive paywall.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you’ll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.