If you — or someone you know — need help, please call 1-800-273-8255 for theNational Suicide Prevention Lifeline. If you are outside of the U.S., please visit the International Association for Suicide Prevention for a database of international resources.
This club to which I belong, this damned bipolar disorder club… this club of which I wish I’d never heard, this hateful, painful, sickening, useless, dangerous, life robbing, hour sucking, tortuous club, someone open the doors and let me out.
There is a theory that bipolar, depression, schizophrenia, the terrific trio, exist as a side effect of high intelligence. That highly intelligent people can have siblings with these diseases and that evolution just keeps these illnesses around because the very intelligent people have an evolutionary advantage in survival. So we are just the collateral damage of high intelligence. Yes we are highly intelligent, but our moods can be dysregulated as a result. So we go into the blackest of depressions and end our lives. F**k you bipolar! May you rot in hell.
My friend Blahpolar at https://theblahpolar.wordpress.com/ is gone. She had unremitting depression, she tried everything even ECT, but nothing worked. She fought against this god awful illness bravely and courageously. Like a real warrior. I thought she was coming out of it when she started commenting on my posts again in her witty and intelligent way. But no, she took her own life because she couldn’t stand the pain of this unrelenting depression. Her name was Ulla. Ulla, I will miss you. I will miss your intelligence and your razor sharp wit. I will miss you being in this world. I wish I could have done something to help. Damn this f**king illness. Damn this disease that makes it impossible to live. Another one of us gone, another one couldn’t handle the damnable pain that this devilish disease inflicts upon us. I am devastated. I don’t know quite what to do. Cry? What’s that going to do? Wail? Bring her back? If only! For anyone who thinks this is not a serious illness, this illustrates just how deadly serious it can be. Oh god, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. Not suicide, no, not that ever. But what am I going to do? How do you cope with this over and over again?
Let me tell you one thing, I just wish I’d never heard of this infernal disease, not ever.
May you rest in peace in heaven now, my dear friend Ulla.
Samina.