"Real women cook, real women clean, real women raise children, real women really want children. Real women wear makeup but real women also... don't wear makeup."
These are a few of the conflicting messages that women receive when told how to be "real."
The idea of a "real woman" is officially exhausted, and slam poet Ellyn Touchette delivers a hilarious ballad that mocks the phrase entirely.
In under three minutes, Touchette explains the many clashing requirements one must meet to be a "real woman." She must have curves, but also exercise constantly and watch her weight. She must never get drunk, but be able to hold her liquor. She must wear makeup but also look her best without makeup... and on and on and on.
She also compares "real women" to sharks -- what with their "incredibly thick skin" and the fact that they have "the cold black eyes of a ruthless predator."
But Touchette really hits the nail on the head with her final words:
"Society does not expect a shark, or a woman might ever evolve into a person. But when one of us does, whoever f**ks with her, is gonna need a bigger boat."
Watch the full video below: