How This Single Mom Helped Her New Husband And Kids Get Along

"Your kids need to understand that they will still be a priority but so will your new spouse."
You have to let your kids' relationship with your new spouse develop slowly, says mom Tiffany Benyacko.
Allen Donikowski via Getty Images
You have to let your kids' relationship with your new spouse develop slowly, says mom Tiffany Benyacko.

As part of our Blended Family Friday series, each week we spotlight a different stepfamily to learn how they’ve worked to bring their two families together. Our hope is that by telling their stories, we’ll bring you closer to blended family bliss in your own life! Want to share your family’s story? Email us at divorce@huffingtonpost.com.

Back in her single mom days, Tiffany Benyacko did it all and did it well.

“Not to toot my own horn (toot toot!) but prior to my hubs, I was the breadwinner as a single woman,” she told The Huffington Post.

Still, when her husband Will came into the picture, the mom of two said it came as a relief to divvy up some of the parenting duties.

Below, the HuffPost blogger shares more of her story and gives her best advice for bridging the gap between your new partner and your kids.

Hi Tiffany. Please introduce us to your family.

My husband Will and I have been together for five years and married for four. I have two kids from a prior relationship: Zakary (19) is my son and Raina (10) is my daughter.

Tiffany and Will on their wedding day.
Tiffany Benyacko
Tiffany and Will on their wedding day.

What have been some of the biggest parenting challenges you’ve faced over the years?

Making sure that everyone gets a piece of me! I don’t want my husband or kids to feel that I am neglecting them and giving the other more time, more love, more attention. And co-parenting can be challenging. My ex and I sometimes have disagreements. My husband could never understand why this bothered me so much. I have learned that I cannot control anyone, only myself. Over the years, I have gained better control over my attitude.

How do you deal with stress in your household?

Everyone in the house has their own hobby and when it’s stressful, we each know to go and enjoy our hobby. We don’t spend a great deal of time apart during these times, just enough to relax and think things through.

What’s the best thing about being part of a stepfamily?

Having an entire family that loves you. My husband’s parents have accepted both the kids and me as their own. They’ve taught me so much about family.

Tiffany and her husband Will.
Tiffany Benyacko
Tiffany and her husband Will.

What advice do you have for other blended families who feel like a peaceful family dynamic is out of reach?

Everyone needs to be clear on what’s happening when a family blends. Your kids need to understand that they will still be a priority but so will your new spouse. The new spouse should not take an authoritative position, at least not until the kids trust him or her. Any discipline should come from the parent and the new spouse can give input. Once the kids begin to trust and realize that the new spouse isn’t there to take their place, most of the fears and chaos should subside. Open communication is key; the kids, parent and new spouse must work at talking with each other.

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