Wow. Lotta cheating this week...
Pensions: Nature's Little Piggybank.
- "Carlyle to pay $20 million to end pension probe"
- "Inquiry Focuses on Ex-Pension Official for Bush"
- "Pension Inquiry Reveals Power Broker's Web"
The Cheater Says: The pension system was a post- World War II promise: Workers give their productive years to the company, and the company cares for those workers when they're old.
Hmm. I don't remember making that promise. Do you?
Obviously, the pension was a gamble from the start. Workers bet we would keep our promise. They collectively rolled the dice. Snake eyes. Craps. You lose.
"Better luck next time. Here's a gold watch. Now, get off my property."
Coldplay Accused Of Plagiarism... Again.
The Cheater Says: Huzzah! Stealing ideas is a great way to make it rich... especially if you steal 'em from people too broke and obscure to make a fuss, i.e. other musicians.
Allegedly, Led Zepplin stole from unknown blues artists, Avril Lavigne and Miley Cyrus from untalented hacks, and I'm pretty sure "Oops, I did it again" was a rip-off of my 1984 cult classic, "Dangit, I spilled all over myself."
Obama proposes a first overhaul of finance rules.
The Cheater Says: Don't worry. Derivatives are a $700 trillion industry. Think they can track all of that? You just need 1% to slip through the cracks.
It's a chance to innovate, stay ahead of the authorities. If you're motivated enough, you'll always make the technological breakthroughs first, from drug masking, to electronic voting, spy-cams, and fabricated accounting terms.
Using technology to advance self-interest is what all the coolest comic book villains, and richest cheaters, do best.
The EU fined Intel $1.45 billion for anti-competitive behavior.
The Cheater Asks: EU, why do you hate freedom?
Seriously, this is just going to intensify the micro-processor war between Intel and AMD over who makes best tiny toy cars... oh, wait, that was the "micro-machine" war.
AIG's chairman asked for patience as it overhauls the company
The Cheater Says: Three to five years should be long enough to repay bailout money and/or get a nice house on an extradition friendly island.
"A leader of veterans is exposed as a fraud"
The Cheater Says: Manipulate vulnerable people in a way that shocks the conscience?
Cha ching!
Sarah Palin got a book deal.
The Cheater Says: Ah, politics and publicity, together again. If she can just plagiarize major portions of the book while taking steroids and selling her state's pension fund, she'll have a real winner.
Etcetera Etcetera Etcetera
"Doctor's Study of Injured G.I.'s Made False Claims, Army Says"
"Lawyer Pleads Guilty in $400 Million Fraud Scheme"
"Former Executive at Monster Guilty"
and, of course,
Craigslist to remove "erotic services" ads... (That's a different type of cheating).
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Jeff Kreisler's first book, "Get Rich Cheating," is available for pre-order from Harper Collins.
GetRichCheating.com
"Just by reading this book you'll earn an asterisk next to your name. You'll be laughing all the way to the bank, assuming other cheaters haven't forced it into bankruptcy yet." - Rachel Maddow
"A very funny book with a very timely message" - Terry Jones (Monty Python)