Yes, I'm an entertainment editor. No, I've never seen "Star Wars." Well, now I have, thanks to a little dare from my colleagues to find my inner Force and watch the original trilogy from start to finish.
What did I think? If you'd care to know, it was better than I expected. Especially because everything I gathered about "Star Wars" all came from my time as a young girl listening to my brothers and their friends watch it while I did anything else. (I was more of a dollhouse/Polly Pocket/Sky Dancer sort of kid.) So yes, I now understand the hype around the release of "The Force Awakens," but I'm still confused by the obsession. If anything, I'm looking forward to one day owning an Ewok.
Here are 36 thoughts I had while watching the original trilogy:
1. C-3PO and R2-D2 defined #FriendshipGoals before it was even a thing. Basically, I love droids.
2. OMG, Mark Hamill looks so young!
3. Tatooine, aka desert land, does not seem like an enjoyable place to live/spend time.
4. WHAT IS CHEWIE??? (A Wookiee, yes, but WHAT IS A WOOKIEE?)
5. Darth Vader is the most un-scary villain of all time. And the breathing needs. to. stop.
6. Jeesh, Luke Skywalker and Han Solo sure do become fast friends, considering they're both in love with the same woman.
7. Speaking of that woman, the whole love triangle between Princess Leia, Han and Luke got real weird, real fast. (I thought this was a Peeta-Gale situation, not a Luke-I- am-your-sister sort of deal.)
8. I can't wrap my head around the fact that Carrie Fisher plays Leia. I sort of wish Leia was Carrie Fisher.
9. How much time passed between "A New Hope" and "Empire Strikes Back"? (Googled it: Three years.)
10. OMG, Mark Hamill looks so old!
11. But Luke Skywalker is the heart of this movie and he better not die in that snow blizzard. (C'mon, I know he's not going to die, but, oh, the suspense!)
12. Han Solo is growing on me, but only because he reminds me so much of Harrison Ford in "Six Days, Seven Nights." Anne Heche, where you at?
13. Does anyone else think Leia and Han fall for each other too quickly? Like, what's their backstory???
14. YODA IS CREEPY AF.
15. OK, he's not so bad.
16. Oh, my gosh, I LOVE YODA.
17. I can sense that the big "I am your father" line is coming ... sort of sucks that I knew all this before seeing the movies.
18. Lightsabers are cool.
19. DADDY CHOPPED OFF HIS SON'S HAND. Not cool.
20. Thank God Luke and Leia are soulmates and have Spidey-connections. (This was before I knew they were siblings, which like, how did I not know that?!)
21. More Chewie, please.
22. How much time passed between "Empire Strikes Back" and "Return of the Jedi"? (Again, three years.)
23. OMG, Mark Hamill is so old! (And his hand is back!)
24. What is with that weird Jabba dude?
25. Seriously??? What is with him???
26. THAT was the big Leia bikini scene everyone talks about? Ugh.
27. The Jabba's Palace dance/song sequence is the weirdest thing I've ever seen in film. Why, George Lucas? Why?
28. Despite all that alien absurdity, this movie is by far the best, and it's all thanks to the Ewoks.
29. Wait, are there actors in those Ewok costumes? (Googled it: Yes, Wicket is played by "Willow" star Warwick Davis. Gasp! Right?)
30. I want one of those speeder bikes for Christmas.
31. I want one of those baby Ewoks for Christmas.
32. When Leia discovers she's Luke's twin, I teared up a little. But also, was this big reveal planned from the beginning? Because they totally kissed in "Empire Strikes Back."
33. Darth Vader did not look like I imagined he would underneath that helmet.
34. Thankfully (or not so thankfully?), he looked like Hayden Christensen in ghost-form at the end of the movie. (Haven't yet watched those prequels, y'all.)
35. Speaking of those ghosts, I always assumed Obi-Wan Kenobi was the biggest character in these movies when he's basically in five minutes of them. Smeh.
36. R2-D2 is the hero of the galaxy. The end.
"Star Wars: The Force Awakens" hits theaters Friday.
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