I am a woman on the verge of a breakthrough.
I have had setbacks in my life, there were times I thought I would never be happy, never live a life I loved, never. It took me dedicating myself to God and getting to know him as my Father, trusting and believing in Him, to get me where I am today.
At one point or another, we have loved someone with all our heart. We felt like we found the one. This is the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. We did everything for this individual. It didn't matter whether they returned our love, or affection. All we know is, I want this individual more than I ever wanted anything. We get that person. We are with "the one." Woohoo!
For whatever reason, the relationship ends. We are left feeling lonely, hurt, angry, confused, and maybe even, lost. We may even start the "what if" conversation.
When my relationship ended I had the "what if" conversation. What if I spent more time on my appearance? What if I wasn't so independent? What if I didn't put on the mean-looking face? I went on and on with the "what ifs". What I realized after a long time, the "what if" conversation often left me feeling sad, less than a person. There were days I didn't want to do anything, just stay in bed and cry. My friends tried to cheer me up and reassured me, everything will be okay. Nothing helped!
I was left wondering, "What happened?" I did all I knew how to do to make him happy. Why didn't it work? Why am I alone...again?
One day, I got so angry with myself. I looked myself in the mirror and said, "I'm tired of feeling sad, feeling like I will always be alone and never get married". I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. It took some time and lots of praying and introspection to get past the hurt and betrayal I felt. Mostly, it took me realizing that I am a good person. My relationship ending did not mean I was less of a person.
My relationship ending meant that it was time for me to move on. It was time for me to start creating possibilities for my life. You see, I was the type of person to put others before myself. What I had to learn was...me. I had to learn what I wanted out of life. I had to start thinking about me and putting me first. As I started to transform my thinking, my behavior towards myself started to change. I no longer felt obligated to be everything to everyone. I started to put me first. I started to do things I wanted to do but didn't, because the person in my life didn't want to, or thinking my parents wouldn't approve. Let me tell you, as the kids say, "doing me" was the best thing I could've done for myself. It's so liberating.
I came to this realization, I am an amazing individual with flaws and strengths. I chose to focus on my strengths. By focusing on my strengths, I lost the victim mentality and decided to reinvent my life, for me, not for my parents or a boyfriend, for me. My new found way of thinking has led me to create possibilities for my life that I never thought was possible. It feels so great to put me first. Now when we put ourselves first, it does not mean we are being selfish. To me, it means, I want to make sure when I share myself I'm giving the best of me, the most genuine part of me. What an amazing feeling to share my authentic self with others. It feels like the exciting anticipation we feel right before we open a gift.
I'm not perfect and by no means would I want to be. In spite of what happened in my past, I am choosing not to let it determine my future. We are all here for a limited time. Let us make each moment count and have fun while doing it.