Why do I write? Where does it come from? I would like to write like I talk. Thank goodness, I write better than I talk because when I talk I can't always find the words at that exact moment. Whereas when I write, I always find the words because I have time. When I read what I have written I'm smitten with amazement. How did I create that sentence? When I read one of my blogs at that moment I say "I'm possibly a good writer", then I immediately say, "who am I to say I'm even a writer?" I like what I write and am surprised by its originality. Is that egotistical, self-centered? Who says I'm a good writer? Is it just Huffington Post? My friends say you should write a book about your life. My response is "How?" I need help to organize all the multitude of pages of autobiographical writing. Where do I begin? HELP!
When I write I never forget. When I speak I always forget. But there are four times in my life when the challenge of not forgetting and being totally present take hold and bring me to a wonderful place. They are in this order: writing, tango, cooking and yoga. If I could ask for the most difficult to accomplish, the most challenging, those four would be at the top of the list. Actually meditation and being present should be simultaneous. And for me the almost impossible to achieve. It's not a question of not being present, it's a question of insecurity and daring to doubt or daring to compliment or accepting the fact that perhaps just maybe you're not really all that bad.
Read the blogs. Don't they speak to you, tell you something? No matter what you think and criticize, if you write with creativity and humor, there you go again thinking in pluses and minuses, positives and negatives. It's that, that makes us frail and strong and human. We think in dark and light and, as Gudni Gudnnarsson says, "there is no dark, light dispels the dark." I like that! We have to shine our light on the dark. Wow! That's good. I'm going to bed now and shine my light on my dreams, so that they will all be wonderful, full of beautiful performances like dancing, turning (no stopping), jumping (no descending). Dreams are the most important part of sleep, if only we could remember them.
When I'm quiet and truly listening ... that's when the present is a possibility and even a reality. And that's when writing presents itself in a creative way. I have to admit the creative moments are never when I'm at the computer. Those moments appear while I'm lying on my bed half sitting, half lying. Sometimes while I'm sleeping a phrase or an idea will wake me and I'm impelled to sit up and turn on the light, find the paper and pen and write. Damn now I'm wide awake. If I wait until morning that fabulous thought will have escaped. I guess all writers have their idiosyncrasies or hang ups. So am I a writer? I constantly ask myself that question. My answer is in and out. Yes and no, but the challenge is always there facing me, daring me, exciting me and driving me to put the pen on the paper and speak.
I'm not going to close this blog without mentioning something pertaining to cooking. We need to be present right? While being present in the kitchen I created this. Here goes:
Here's the clicker -- toasted shaved almonds
Oil and salt
Non-stick fry pan
I've given you the ingredients and the rest is up to you. Don't be timid and be sure to be present. One more thought. Try being present while driving your car. You might remember how you got to where you're going. And if you can't remember how you got to where you were going, try cooking.