Three Words to go from Self-sabotage to Success @gabrielamueller
By Gabriela Mueller - Powerful Change Coaching International
The words you use can change your outcomes and even change perspective on any given situation. When we use words that are passive or weak, our own perception of the situation tends to be more negative, our listeners will sense that, too. On the other hand, active, powerful and dynamic words will help us perceive ourselves as more capable in any situation and this impacts on our results. Semantics have an underestimated power.
Some important key words simply sabotage our success before we even start demonstrating our work or presence. When they pop up too often in our speech, these words diminish the perception of competence, they make us sound insecure and dis-empowered.
Are you interested in finding it out which words made it to the top of this list? Stay and learn three simple ways to become a more powerful speaker:
1. Replace words such as “should”, “try” and “hope” with “WILL”. This simple step shows true commitment. The difference between: “I will try to deliver the results tomorrow afternoon.” and “I will deliver the results tomorrow afternoon.” is a clear gap in the level of commitment. If J.F. Kennedy had said, “We will try to go to the moon…” he (we) would probably still be trying. ALTERNATIVES: Use “WILL”, or, another useful option is: “intend”. Notice the difference between, “We hope to sign that big contract tomorrow…” (this sentence leaves room for doubt) vs, “We intend to sign that big contract tomorrow.” (this phrase expresses a more direct, proactive action).
2. Replace “but” with “and”, or nothing. If you have ever attended my seminars, courses and coaching sessions anywhere in the world, you are already working on this one strategy. The word “BUT” and it’s very subtle friend, “however”, are barriers in any conversation, whether written or spoken. This small participle has huge power to eclipse the first part of any sentence or idea. The moment it pops up, the person’s brain who is receiving our message hits a wall that makes it hard to remember what was said previously. Unfortunately, this word pops up too often in any given conversation; pay attention to your speech and others’ speech and you’ll notice how prevalent this word is. After having coached thousands of professionals and dozens of world leaders in over 75 countries, I can also confirm that it comes up in its equivalent in every language! The effect is always the same. ALTERNATIVES: replace “but” with “AND” or simply with nothing (pause). That’s right. When you use “AND” to link two thoughts or sentences, it doesn’t dismiss / negate the first part, instead, it adds information. You can also decide to “pause”, then both first and second thoughts are valid. Example: “Our Q1 results were good, but there are still challenges...” Instead, “Our Q1 results were good. There are still challenges ahead.” OR, “Our Q1 results were good AND we know there are still challenges ahead…” The last two versions let both thoughts be valid, and it even sets the tone for discovering solutions rather than problems.
3. I kept the unnecessary “King” word for last. This word can sabotage our success, when it’s overdone and not really meant. This word is “Sorry”. Before you think the word is particularly necessary to offer an apology, let me share why it can sabotage someone’s success.
Being over apologetic makes us seem less confident and even less competent, which can easily lead people to start taking advantage of, or distrust, us. If you say, “Sorry... sorry” for things you are not responsible for, or things which are outside your control and not your fault, then you are simply sabotaging your own performance, perception of promise of value, and it conveys a lack of confidence.
Here are some of the most common unnecessary “sorry-moments” and examples I’ve collected:
• “I’m sorry, Chris, to interrupt. It’s time for your meeting, are you ready to chat? “. This is an unnecessary apology (you both agreed to that time slot, right?) It also shows lack of confidence.
• “I’m sorry, I’ve got a question.” - Instead of, “I’ve got a question.” spoken with a positive attitude or a smile or decisive body language.
• “I’m sorry I’d like a coffee…” instead of, “Miss, a coffee, please” or “I’d like a coffee, please”. See the difference?
Unluckily statistics show that women say the word “sorry” four times more than men in the workplace.
Constantly saying, “I’m sorry.” or giving unwarranted apologies not only prolongs your speech, it also distracts from the focus and clarity of your message and dilutes the power of the words. After a while this may appear as untrue or superficial.
So for all these reasons, I suggest eliminating the constant “sorry-ness” from our messages. Should you really owe an apology to someone, then the ALTERNATIVE can be a sincere, genuine way to say, “I offer my apologies…” or, “Please accept my apology”. This shows you are taking responsibility and offering an apology in a sincere, yet confident way. So if you want to go from self-sabotage to success, I suggest:
• Pay attention to your speech and notice which/when these little dis-empowering words show up in your messages (notice when and with whom).
• Then consciously choose which one you’ll eliminate or replace first. Watch what difference this makes over a period of time.
• Remember, changing a habit or adopting a new one is not easy, though practice is the way to get it done.
Use powerful language to power up your success in whatever version of success you define for yourself.
By Gabriela Mueller - Coach Trainer Speaker
Unique world-wide human empowerment for a better world
@gabrielamueller