Tiger Woods Disappointed Wife Didn't Use Four Iron

In golf/domestic abuse news, Tiger Woods, who has been tight-lipped about the odd occurrence the other night, has now publicly displayed disappointment about his wife's club selection. Elin Nordegren, Woods' wife, reportedly used a pitching wedge to smash the SUV as Woods pulled away, however Tiger has claimed that he advised her to use a club with more power, like a four iron.

"Even though my lawyer suggested against speaking about her club selection, I'm going to be very open about it," said the haggard-looking Woods. "I can't even count how many times we've had the discussion about the proper uses of golf clubs when threatening someone. I've told her a million times that when you're looking to intimidate someone, you use an eight iron [because of the loft], when you're looking to beat someone on the ground, you use a three-wood [because of the ability to hit off grass], and when you're attacking someone in a car, you use a fuckin' four iron. She knows better than this, and I hope she realizes her error in judgment."

According to sources close to Woods, the couple's marriage is contingent on whether Nordegren apologizes for her poor club selection. Nordegren couldn't be reached for comment on the matter, but her lawyers have claimed, "We are not sure which club [Nordegren] was wielding, but we're confident she used a five iron or at least one of those popular hybrids."

For more articles and segments of this kind, visit www.SomethingYouShouldRead.com.