Here's the show pitch, NBC. I give this to you not just for the ratings, but for the greater good.
DATELINE NBC: STINGING THE GOP -- Dateline NBC's Chris Hanson nabbing House Republicans and their pundit apologists in elaborate sting operations; catching them in the act of violating their own moral values talking points. Pedophiles, drug addicts, torturers and liars caught naked in a stranger's kitchen. Imagine the potential comedy. Imagine the greater good of the nation. Imagine the amount of pixilization required to cover up Speaker Hastert's naked junk.
Don't imagine that. Don't ever -- EVER imagine that.
Moving on. Almost as likely to make you throw up in your mouth, I give you the right-wing pundits and their excuses for Mark Foley. Brit Hume thinks the Foley scandal is akin to President Clinton's affair or Congressman Barney Frank's homosexuality. Likewise, Bill O'Reilly (who has been known to proposition underlings with soapy lunch foods) seems to think pedophilia is a symptom of Foley's homosexuality. But let's be honest, this kind of behavior has about as much to do with homosexuality or extramarital affairs between consenting adults as it does with being a Republican -- or a Catholic priest, for that matter. There is no 1:1 relationship.
There are two very specific reasons why Foley's behavior is unforgivable and truly awful. The pair of elephants in the room, if you will. First, pedophiles, as Foley himself once said on the House floor, "should have their lives ruined" without mercy. Predators who take advantage of innocence and naiveté of children are beyond forgiveness. You and I know this. Secondly, the Foley scandal is yet another in a syllabus of trespasses from the Republican Party that serves to underscore its hypocrisy in positioning itself as "the moral values party." The party that won't allow same sex marriage. The party that wants to invade a woman's body. The party that won't allow embryonic stem cell research. The party that wants to ban contraception. The party that wants to invade other countries -- converting everyone to Christianity.
Yet what have we witnessed of their moral values?
First and foremost, it's becoming increasingly clear that the Republican leadership in Congress covered up Foley's pedophilia since 2005. How many underage interns were victimized in that time due to the leadership's inaction? Then there are the apologists: Drudge, Hume, Limbaugh, and O'Reilly who are almost as awful in their attempted vindication of Foley and his accomplices.
Nothing justifies or mitigates the actions of a pedophile. There is no comparing and contrasting when it comes to Mark Foley and the subsequent outrage about his actions. And anyone who covers it up, makes excuses for it, or downplays it by citing sexual acts between consenting adults is almost as immoral as Foley himself. Where is the Christian morality in making excuses for Mark Foley, Rush? What values are evident in attacking those of us who are outraged at the behavior and the hypocrisy, Brit?
When you shove your moral superiority and so-called "Christian values" down the world's collective gullet, be prepared to flush the Viagra and the soapy falafels down the toilet. Be prepared to be labeled as a fascist or a despot due to your endorsement of torture and your proclivity for money laundering and vote selling. Hunker down and don your protective head gear when you lie about the reasons for war. Suck it up and take it like a man when you're ripped for your inaction while an American city becomes submerged; when you fire scientists for telling the truth about climate change; and when you lie to the world about the ferocity of the attacks against our soldiers.
If you can't handle your own venom turned back on you, Bill and Rush, then get out of the way and shut your mouths. And if that's impossible for you, then don't be surprised when Chris Hanson walks into the kitchen with a camera crew and that ominous phrase, "What do you think you're doing?" as you stand there naked and dumbfounded, with nothing to cover your exposed hypocrisy except a falafel, a packet of OxyContin and a list of incomprehensible talking points excusing Mark Foley and his co-conspirators.