Do you gossip about your own friends or often have drama with them? Do you secretly get excited when one of your girlfriends puts on a few pounds? Do you harshly judge the women you love? Do others seem to betray you, or you have a hard time getting close to other women?
Dr. Phil asks: Why do some women have a hard time getting along, and how can you be a better friend to other women in your life? Consider these tips:
- “If you want to have a good friend, then be a good friend,” says Dr. Phil. Try being accepting, supportive and available. It’s not that complicated, but it does take work.
- Quit making snap judgments. Before you do, take a look inward. You may be critical because you view others as competitors.
- Own your role. Are you bringing toxicity to a relationship? “You either contribute to or contaminate your relationships 24 hours a day,” Dr. Phil explains.
- Not sure how to approach someone? Try to uncover a mutual interest and then talk about it.
- Do you take your stress out on the women in your life whom you love most? Instead, try using each other as a valuable support system. Explain what you’re going through; you might find someone else can relate and even be helpful.
- Make amends when you need to. Of course, friends can disagree or have moments of strife, but when that happens, speak up and work through it. Your friend may not even know if you feel betrayed, so talk about it when there's a problem.
- Stop gossiping and talking about others behind their back. What’s your payoff when you do that? Are you ultimately trying to feel better about yourself by putting others down?
- Look at your past. Do you have pain in your history that you haven’t dealt with that could be impacting how you treat others, and in turn, how they treat you? If someone betrayed you years ago, it’s time to get over it so you can move on with your life. That person might not even know what he or she did, and yet you carry the baggage with you day in and day out. It’s time to forgive or find a way to make peace.
- Remember that you teach people how to treat you. If you play the victim, people come to count on you for that. If you’re always the peacemaker, it’s no wonder everyone comes to you to help patch things up. It’s up to you to set boundaries if you want people to treat you differently.
- Be your authentic self. Don’t let anyone else define who you are for you. That’s a mistake that could prevent you from living to your potential, and prevent others from getting to know the unique person that you are.
- Monitor how much time you spend talking about yourself. Think about what you can do to make other people feel comfortable, like asking about them and their interests instead of focusing on your own.
- Take a look at how you present yourself and engage others. Obviously we can’t see ourselves objectively, but if people respond to you consistently in a certain way, it’s because you’re the common denominator. Try to assess what you could be doing that elicits that reaction.