By Ossiana Tepfenhart
Hey there, kindred spirit.
I know you because I am you. Well, I’m like you in a lot of ways. I, like you, am the girl who will always call in the morning just to tell her man that she loves him. Like you, I shower my man with love, affection, and presents. Like you, I make a point to make sure the whole world knows how much I love the person I’m with.
Like you, I take pride in treating my partner like gold. Like you, I’m guilty of loving too hard. Way too hard.
And, like you, I’ve been mislabeled as clingy, needy, and yes, crazy. I’ve been used, abused, and treated like dirt by men who I later realized should be apologizing to trees for wasting all the air they make. I’ve sobbed into pillowcases over guys who didn’t give a f*ck about hurting me once they had gotten what they wanted, and I’ve wondered why the hell they didn’t appreciate every little thing I did. And boy, does it suck.
Loving too hard is something that has often made me question if I’m defective. I always wonder why guys can’t see all the good I do for them, and always ask for more. I’m always dismayed when I get left for a girl who treats them badly. I always can’t help but wonder, “Why them? Why not me?”
Loving too hard, in a word, is a mindf*ck that always has you questioning yourself and makes you wish you were not you. It makes you wish you didn’t care for others. It’s the kind of problem that makes me wish I was a sociopath because I’m 100 percent sure I’d be treated better because of it. Like you, I often wonder what I lack.
But the truth is neither you nor I lack anything. I think you know that, too. In fact, we have more than what most people could ever hope to find in a partner. We have more love. We have more patience. We have more loyalty, more passion, and more empathy than others do.
Love takes strength, and you know what? We’re stronger because we love harder. Not only do we love harder, our love is legit real.
Real love is the love that doesn’t judge a person based on their past. It’s the kind of love that makes you want to do things “just because.” It’s the love that makes you protective of them and makes you want to hold them late at night. Real love is the kind of love where you can’t get enough of their smile and never want to see them cry. It’s going the extra mile, just because you love them.
Real love is not easy to come by, and when people find it, it scares them. Others see someone who loves too hard and they begin to wonder what the “catch” is. They assume we’re desperate, weak, or otherwise crazy because they can’t imagine that someone can appreciate them that much.
They’re so weak that when they finally find love, they can’t see it for what it really is or they’re so stupid they see our kindness as a form of weakness in itself.
So, they start throwing new goals and new standards... and we keep meeting them because we love them and want them to be happy. And they still aren’t satisfied, because they either want to use us or because they still need to find the “catch.”
They can’t handle the idea that love for us is effortless and that it brings us joy. All we really want in return is to see our love reciprocated and the fact is: the majority of people can’t do that because they’re just too weak to do so.
We were born with the tragic flaw of being too loving for a world filled with stupid, selfish, and weak people. We were born with so much love to give, and so few people who understand us in all of our beautiful, caring glory. And it sucks because we want love and deserve to be loved. I might even go so far as to say we deserve love more than the average person, just because we’re as good to our partners as we are.
It takes a lot of strength to love the way we do, and we can’t fault others who are weaker than us. We can’t blame people for their own stupidity or inability to love the way we do.
But what we can do is hope that one day, someone out there will see us for the diamonds we are and love us the way we love them. When that day comes, if it comes, I think people will realize that the only “catch” they should have been worried about was the catch they lost.
You’re stronger than them, and you shouldn’t be ashamed to love the way you do. You’re a catch, just as I am. Stay strong, and don’t shut love out of your life. I’m rooting for you and sending vibes your way.
I know you got this.
We got this.
This article originally appeared on YourTango.
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