To Vote Or Not To Vote: That Is The Question, and I Have The Answer

If you're one of the many who don't like any presidential nominee this election cycle, don't waste your energy trying to decide whether to vote or not to vote, focus your thinking on which nominee's spouse you could tolerate in the White House.

2016-05-18-1463606863-3944560-Melania.png Melania? Do you want a bunny in the White House every day when it's not even Easter? Do you want someone who plans to downsize to the White House's puny 55,000 sq. ft. after failing to find the bathroom in Mar-a-Lago's 110,000 sq. ft? Do you want someone who's been told to have Trump's eldest sons hang their grisly, decapitated, taxidermied trophies of once magnificent African wildlife on the walls of the Situation Room? The purpose is that, when their father and Putin skype, the Russian president can see what's in store for him if he doesn't cave to Trump's demands. Perhaps Trump thinks dead heads on the walls of the White House will make him another Teddy Roosevelt. If so, he can find plenty of them in this congress.

2016-05-18-1463606937-8369679-Bubba.png Bubba? Too much taxpayer cost to keep tabs on him. If Hillary wins the presidency, she could assign him an office in the East Room, the famous walls of which have enjoyed the music of Yo Yo Ma, Pablo Casal, and Aretha Franklin. Those walls can now listen to Bubba pacticing his saxophone. Or she could appoint him Chief of Staff, the single most important office in the cabinet, where he'd be gatekeeper to POTUS, manage the entire cabinet, and save his sax for his wife.

2016-05-18-1463607009-6740211-Jane.png Jane? Hmmm. Feisty, loyal, and smart. What's not to like? She's personable, has a killer smile, and she's done a phenomenal job Berning up the country. She was president of Burlington College in Vermont (not to be confused with Bennington College, also in Vermont), for seven years. Is it her fault that the daring real estate expansion she negotiated for Burlington didn't work out, leaving the college with such a huge, unpayable debt, that it's closing down on May 27th? So much for noble intentions.

My source of information is not "Anonymous," "sources close to nominees," or "someone who is not authorized to discuss." I use the only infallible source in the nation: Aaron Sorkin's "The West Wing."

Besides, I can't complain about the results if I don't vote, and this is the only idea I can truly espouse.