Like a person on a diet standing in front of a bakery, nothing's tougher than being single during the holidays. Yes, the holidays are a time for family and friends and in theory that should be enough. But for all you singletons out there, let's be honest. It's not.
Just like birthdays, each passing year of single status, is a constant reminder of what you have still failed to accomplish. Sure, maybe you got a promotion. Or bought a new house. But if you still show up at the dinner table without a plus one, it always seems to feel much more monumental.
When I first thought about this blog, I contemplated making it all serious. But that's no fun and I'm definitely not a big proponent of the pity party. So without further ado, here's a top ten list of reasons (who doesn't love a top ten list?!) why it blows chunks to be single during the holidays:
1. Everyone in your immediate family thinks that their behavior is normal (even though it is most definitely not!) A significant other, with a necessary third party perspective, can commiserate with you post meal about how nuts families are.
2. After eating so much you can't move, it's nice having someone other than yourself rub your belly.
3. After hearing Mariah Carey Belt 'All I want for Christmas is you', it would be nice to have someone to snobbishly roll your eyes with while simultaneously thinking, 'Damn straight, I got this.'
4. Presents, obvi. My family isn't big on giving gifts. But if there was a special someone in the equation...
5. To have that incredible arm candy and be able to parade them in front of other singletons, simultaneously giving them sympathetic and slightly obnoxious looks of pity. It's not nice but you know it's true.
6. Eating that second, or third (or fourth) slice of pie and not feeling bad about it. Because hey, you don't need to go trolling for men. You have one right there with you.
7. Standing near the tree in Rockefeller Center all alone. 'Nuff said.
8. It would be nice to have someone there to light your menorah ;)
9. And eat your latkes.
10. And last but not least, because if one other person says 'honey, why are you still single,' I may need to bash them over the head with a chanukiah.
Happy holidays everyone. May they be filled with family and friends, and if you're single, lots and lots of booze.