Top 5 Things I'm Thankful for

I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.

I am thankful that every person in Congress who wants to set women and minorities back, repeal freedom of choice, deny marriage to loving couples, or abolish sex education, will surely and without a doubt, eventually be caught in a public restroom or strip club or hotel with a very chatty hooker who cannot wait to appear on Good Morning America.

I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other.

I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots.

I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is "Delete."