Top Reasons Why Republicans Are Distributing So Few Tickets to Their Debate

Here are the top 13 reasons why
in their 11,000-seat arena to watch today's GOP presidential debate at the University of Colorado at Boulder (and giving CU students just 150 tickets).
  1. Republicans are taking a stand against Ticketmaster price gouging with convenience fees.
  2. The empty arena enhances echoes in the chamber.
  3. GOP debate attendee positions were outsourced to China.
  4. Civic engagement is "bad for business."
  5. "When YOU organize and host YOUR nationally televised debate, then YOU can restrict attendance according to YOUR rules!!"
  6. Republicans finally decided to give up on the youth vote.
  7. They're worried an undocumented immigrant might sneak in and rape Donald Trump in a drug-fueled crime rampage.
  8. They're worried anyone from Boulder will get in.
  9. Because Republicans prefer distractions arising from their own mishandling of a national televised debate, over the potential distractions arising from civically engaged students who might attend.
  10. Republicans: "Our target demographic is little more 'Martini,' and a lot less 'MJ.'"
  11. Restrict supply, create demand - exclusivity is our brand (that rhymes).
  12. Koch brothers have secretly purchased 10,000 tickets.
  13. They need 10,000 seats to hold Trump's ego.