The Internet loves a list. There are lots of lists featuring the top/hottest/best funny people to watch/follow/love, so we decided to make our own list of the top ten places to listed on a top ten list.
10. Ten is the only number on our very important list to have two digits which really makes it unique. Those listed at ten can think of themselves as last on the list or first to be seen on the list, it's sort of a glass full/empty sort of thing.
9. Sometimes person nine on a Top 10 list was actually the last person placed on the list but because a Top 9 list would be uneven and weird list makers must add a tenth name to the list. So is the number nine person more special or the number ten person more special? We will never know.
8. Eight is great, not only because it rhymes but because it's got sexy curves. It's shape represents "infinity" as in being on an arbitrary top ten list will boost your self-esteem to infinite levels (until another list you is published that does not include you).
7. Sassy number seven. What we love most about this number it is always after six and before eight. Seven is also the number of minutes a list is relevant because by the time you've retweeted a list, posted the list on Facebook, and called your parents to scream "I'M ON A LIST! COLLEGE WAS WORTH IT!" That list is already old news because a new list has been made on another website.
6. Six , it sorta sounds like success, like if you wanted to spell it six-cess, and we all know you can't be sixcessful unless you're on a list. It's also the average amount of times someone who is friends with a list-maker will nag the list-maker to please include them on a list. Sometimes an entire list is actually created just so the list-maker can hook-up a friend with some "press." (Fun fact: everything on the Internet is valid and true!)
5. Five is a nice, in-the-middle, safe spot to land on a list. We like this number best when it's high. As in high-five. See what we did there? Up top! (Please note: lots of lists refer to themselves as "we" even if they were created by one person).
4. Four: Okay let's be real, most people have stopped reading a list by this point UNLESS that person is looking for their name on the list OR they want to see who was listed (instead of them) so they can resent, envy and/or text a friend and say "OMG can you believe so-and-so got on that list?! They aren't even good."
3. Three should really be the max length of a list especially if it has slides because who has time to click through 10 let alone 50 or 100 photos or videos of other people when they could be taking 10, 50 or 100 photos or videos of themselves? (Yay narcissism! Thanks Internet!) Crafting a long list in the form of a slide show forces the reader to click more meaning the site gets more ad revenue. (Yay capitalism! Thanks Internet!)
2. Ah good ol' number two! That's probably what most people are doing as they sit on the toilet and read these lists on their smart phones. Lists are great bathroom reading material because they are full of shit.
1. Number one, it sounds great but it's also the loneliest number that we ever knew. Despite what sporting even foam fingers may say, no one is number one. There are simply too many talented people for anyone to have the self-proclaimed authority to pick the absolute best. It's all subjective. So since you only have one life to live, YOLO it up and don't worry about any one list.
(BTW, if any list makers are reading please include this list on your next list of the top ten lists, thanks!)