Trader Joe’s fans are willing to put up with a lot in order to get their favorite pumpkin-flavored foods and $2 wine, including parking lot mayhem and checkout lines that seem to stretch for miles.
“TJ’s” seems to have a cultlike following, inspiring birthday party themes, blog posts dripping with adulation and of course, hilarious tweets.
We’ve rounded up 50 tweets that sum up that Trader Joe’s life ― from those who love to hate it and hate to love it.
Every scene in Mad Max: Fury Road was storyboarded by someone sitting and observing a Trader Joe's parking lot.— Heather B. Armstrong (@dooce) March 26, 2016
My favorite fall maze is Thanksgiving shopping at Trader Joe's.— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) November 17, 2016
they really shouldn't call it trader joe's if they aren't willing to barter— rachelle mandik (@rachelle_mandik) December 19, 2017
I was so close to fighting someone at Trader Joe’s just now but instead, I bought their snowflake-shaped pasta to calm down.— ella (@ellatweetedthis) November 28, 2017
You think jumping out of an airplane is dangerous? Pfft...try going to Trader Joe’s when you’re starving to death.— Stacey (@skittle624) July 18, 2018
I've always wanted a car with a roof rack. But what would I put on it? The 5 different kinds of cheese I just bought at Trader Joe's?— Stephanie Mickus (@smickable) July 9, 2016
i walked into trader joe's carrying a whole foods bag & everyone started west side story snapping— keely falalalalaherty (@keelyflaherty) October 19, 2017
Trader Joe's guy: Who wants to try our pumpkin pie?— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) November 21, 2018
Me: *barreling through the crowd, stiff-arming old ladies right and left* MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I DOOOOOOOOOOO
One of the bleak bits of adulthood I didn't see coming was being genuinely excited to go to Trader Joe's in the middle of the day on your day off work, when the lines are less insane than usual— alanna bennett (@AlannaBennett) November 26, 2018
I’ve had more emotionally revealing conversations with Trader Joe’s cashiers than I have with some dudes I’ve dated.— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) January 22, 2018
Sometimes I walk in to Trader Joe's and scream, "No one cares, WHITE PEOPLE! No one cares about Edamame Tofu Nuggets and Vintage Root Beer!"— beth, an alien® (@bourgeoisalien) November 13, 2014
so honored to have made the Trader Joe's Fearless Flyer 30 Under 30— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) November 14, 2017
I've never watched "The Hunger Games," but I have been to Trader Joe's the day before the Super Bowl.— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) February 4, 2017
Shopping at Trader Joe's in great if you like to eat 200 dollars worth of groceries within 15 minutes of being home.— Seasonal Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) September 4, 2015
Joke from the cashier at Trader Joe's (way funnier it had any right to be):— Celeste Ng (@pronounced_ing) October 26, 2016
Where does a mansplainer get water? From a well... actually.
Kicked out of Trader Joe's again. Was triggered by a Nirvana song and threw a nectarine at a stranger— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) October 5, 2016
Signs of witchcraft:— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) September 22, 2015
1. Letters by owl
2. Flying broomsticks
3. Buying only what you need at Trader Joe's and no random snacks
Trader Joe’s feels like if Jimmy Buffett were a grocery store.— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) February 23, 2014
when the Trader Joe's cashier flirts with another customer I get jealous and buy a second frozen pizza so he thinks I'm having fun tonight— the garbage shit boy (@davedittell) August 18, 2016
"What's all this organic tofu doing in my liquor store?" - me, just now, at Trader Joe's— Gennefer Gross (@Gennefer) February 9, 2013
when I die, pour trader joe’s olive tapenade into my open casket— grace perry (@perryjetaime) December 10, 2018
The marketing ability of Trader Joe's to make utter junk food look vaguely upscale and even healthy is impressive.— wikipedia brown told Santa the truth about you (@eveewing) October 15, 2015
*while in Trader Joe's*— Morgan Jerkins (@MorganJerkins) May 3, 2018
For 6 oz of blueberries, it's $2.49. $2.49. I am appalled. Cynthia Nixon gon' have to fix this.
*Takes a beat*
*Puts 12 oz in the shopping cart*
I go to Trader Joe's for great deals and the opportunity to whisper "excuse me" 200 times.— Bill Dixon (@BillDixonish) August 26, 2014
*wife is blindfolded*— Z🎄CK (@Mr_Kapowski) June 2, 2017
Me: Ready to be on vacation?
*takes off blindfold*
Me: WE'RE IN HAWAII!
Wife: This is Trader Joe's
if anyone in this trader joe’s asks why my eyes are red i’m going to lie and say i’m stoned instead of admitting that i was just sitting in my car crying to natasha bedingfeild’s “unwritten”— J. Jennifer Espinoza (@sadqueer4life) November 27, 2017
Used to love mosh pits for the aggressive human contact but now I just shop at Trader Joe's on a Sunday— Simon Barrett (@Simon_Barrett) December 18, 2016
Trader Joe’s guy said “you have chocolate on your face” and I said “thank you, you too” and walked away— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) November 11, 2017
i can't tell who is an employee and who is a customer at trader joe's or southwest airlines— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) June 4, 2017
*holds flashlight under face* What's your favorite scary story about going to Trader Joe's on the weekend?— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) May 19, 2016
[robbery]— the garbage shit boy (@davedittell) May 27, 2016
ME: put all the money in a bag!
TRADER JOE'S EMPLOYEE: oh, you don't have your own?
I imagine M.C. Escher’s greatest inspiration came from watching cars fruitlessly circle and circle a Trader Joe’s parking lot at 7 PM.— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) July 12, 2018
Sometimes I go to Trader Joe's just to hear about their new trendy food so that when they're all done I can vacantly say, "So what."— beth, an alien® (@bourgeoisalien) November 14, 2014
I’ve never left a Trader Joe’s without experiencing at least 7 strong emotions— Molly Jolly Erdman (@erdmanmolly) June 12, 2018
Has anyone ever gone to Trader Joe's to get one thing and left without buying anything else? Asking for a friend.— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) January 29, 2015
Thanks to Trader Joe's, when I spend more than $4.99 on a bottle of wine, I feel like a fucking aristocrat.— Gennefer Gross (@Gennefer) May 8, 2013
Reading the Trader Joe's Fearless Flyer and am starting to think the word "pumpkin" has lost all meaning and sense.— Claire Zulkey (@Zulkey) October 7, 2015
What's the worst thing you've had in your cart while running into an ex-hookup at Trader Joe's? Mine's 6 cans of clearly marked BEEF CHILI— Shelby (@smelbz) December 18, 2016
Scatter my ashes at the Trader Joe's cheese section.— Maddie Boardman (@ml_boardman) May 8, 2014
Trader Joe's Cashier: *gives me side-eye as he rings up yet another box of mac 'n cheese*— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) September 6, 2018
So, any fun plans for the weekend?
Me: I'm having people over for dinner and the secret to my mac'n cheese is that it's your mac 'n cheese.
"Fame" started playing and nobody else broke into a spontaneous dance that reflected their individual dreams, so I'm never going to that Trader Joe's again.— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) August 26, 2018
trader joe's balsamic glaze really might make everything better. gonna sprinkle some on my bank account to make sure.— Tracy the Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) December 10, 2013
Me: "I get all my wine from Trader Joe's."— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) February 10, 2016
Friend: "Doesn't that stuff have arsenic in it?"
Me: "I mean, it's like $2, so, yeah, probably."
Dad Joke of the century goes to the Trader Joe's employee at the freezer section telling me about how he tried to get into his house last night but couldn't because he had gnocchi. He may have been standing there for hours waiting for that setup.— Claire Zulkey (@Zulkey) April 4, 2018
"We could go to Trader Joe's that'd be fun!"— Noah Sebastian (@noahsebastian) December 18, 2016
a glimpse into my social life
Me, "picking up some essentials" at Trader Joe's: an onion and five bananas, two boxes of frozen croissants, a bag of chocolate-covered potato chips, a succulent, a bottle of red (because it has a clever name,) and hand soap that smells like lavender vanilla bean wood chips.— Kim Holcomb (@kimholcomb) March 17, 2018
No, I don't "need help," super friendly Trader Joe's employee. I can spend 30 minutes stubbornly looking for wild rice all on my own.— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) November 8, 2018
Trader Joes Real Estate Agent: How's the parking lot?— Paul R. Gilmartin (@mentalpod) April 14, 2013
Trader Joes Real Estate Agent: We'll take it!
If you plant an avocado seed a hipster and a bottle of Dr. Bronner’s Liquid Organic Soap and wait 10-12 weeks a Trader Joe’s will sprout up.— w-Ian-ter wonderland (@Big_Cat74) May 28, 2018
I went to Trader Joe’s at 9am to beat the old people and then realized I have become them— Texus Texudo (@PhyllisNef) July 8, 2018