Transcript Of Hillary's Goldman Sachs Speech Released

HILLARY CLINTON: Thank you Lloyd. I love your beard. And hi everybody. You know it really is just such a pleasure to come here to Goldman Sachs. It's one of those rare opportunities to kick back and let my hair down and just be among...

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Lloyd did you sign this? It looks like Blankfoon. No..well..yeah. Yes Lloyd it is a lot of money that's why I don't want to have a problem cashing it. Well cut another one I'm gonna be talking for at least five minutes.

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Anyway, It's great to be here. Especially since I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. In fact, Bill and I are thinking of buying a small parcel of land and opening a waffle bistro serving our own organically grown preserves and compote. I'll let you know what I decide cause it really is so up in the air.

And I'm really touched that you wanted me to speak to you about the world.
As you may or may not know the world is a term that's given to our planet of earth. There are several different chunks of the land parts of the world and these are called continents. There's also these things called hemispheres but I don't think we need to get that far into the weeds on this thing. The main point about the world is that, as my dear friend Hank Kissinger always says, we need to own it.

In closing let me say that I wish average people could see the Goldman Sachs that I know. Not the Goldman Sachs that hoards tin and moves it around from warehouse to warehouse to artificially inflate the price of a soda can. But the Goldman Sachs who knows how bad soda is for poor people and is only trying to help.

So keep up the great work and if by some miracle I do decide to re-enter politics I think you know me well enough to know that...
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