The positive shift in energy in 2015 has been palpable. Last year, starting on Jan. 1, I knew I was in for a year of major growth and mandatory shifting as well as pure pain: intense suffering. Words can't fully describe the wounding and gut-wrenching realizations and decisions that occurred in 2014. The emotional grief was so intense at times that I was immobilized. I was grateful to have a business that I could practically put on pause... I didn't have to grow and I was able to work on my terms with amazing women, a welcome distraction from the reality of my personal life. I put my growth as an entrepreneur and author on complete hold while I cocooned with my three children to heal.
I have suffered but am on the other side of sadness and pain, feeling more joyful and optimistic than ever. Thank goodness!
From this new place of wisdom, strength, and experience, I assumed that I'd hit the ground sprinting -- busting at the seams with ideas, launching programs, and taking my messages of love and inspiration to the masses. Surprisingly, when I'd sit down to write or think about launching programs, I'd seize up. Strange negative thoughts would pop into my mind, such as, "You don't have anything interesting to say," and, "Why would anyone want to listen to you?" Consciously, I couldn't figure out where these thoughts were coming from.
Why was I self-sabotaging when I was truly feeling so energized and optimistic?
Today, I finally became clear... I am still feeling very vulnerable. Think about the worst skinned knee you had as a child. There's that point when it has a nice scab forming, but you know that if you trip and skin it again, it will simply rip open bleeding (and hurting) worse than ever. I've realized that my spirit has had a serious skinned knee. New fears have crept in that I need to acknowledge, respect, and work through. I am afraid of rejection and the impact that would have on my newly healed and fragile spirit.
So, what do you do when you feel fragile?
How do you move forward when you are afraid failing, afraid of not being able to perform up to your own standards?
You move slowly, take small steps, live in the present moment, and practice extreme self-care.
Like a toddler gains confidence as she learns to walk, we also need to take baby steps to rebuild our courage after traumatic life events. Be as compassionate with yourself as you are with others. Rebirths take time and we don't always hit the ground running.
The unexpected gift of vulnerability is increased compassion and intense personal growth.
Or... vulnerability can close you down and allow fear to overtake take a stronghold. Awareness is always the first step in recognizing when you are vulnerable and then you can choose to use it for good. Vulnerability has expanded my compassion and the ways I understand humans and how we operate. My knowledge is much richer and comes from a place of true experience now. The ways that I will be able to serve, love, and empathize have grown tremendously. I encourage you to harness the lessons learned from those times when life hasn't been easy, and practice self-compassion when you find yourself in a vulnerable place.
Protect yourself. Love yourself. Take it slow, and you'll find a way to heal and put yourself out there in a bigger and better way than you ever could have before! I believe in you.