“Some people are letting their panic make them dumb as shit,” Noah said before showing clips of people panic-buying toilet paper and even fighting over it.
“I feel like people in First World countries don’t know what to panic about,” he said. “Toilet paper? Are you shitting me?”
Then, Noah offered some other options.
“You can use newspaper, you just rub it together, this is a true thing. You can use paper towels,” he said. “Hell, everyone in America has a dog. Push comes to shove, you wipe your ass on the dog.”
Noah also issued a warning about coronavirus misinformation and played a clip of a reporter debunking possible cures touted on social media.
“Drinking bleach, snorting cocaine and masturbating is not the way to cure corona,” Noah said. “It’s the way to kick off the most rock-and-roll party of your life.”
He added that while these suggestions won’t cure coronavirus, masturbating just might help.
“If you stay in and you do that all day, you’ll probably have less chance of catching the virus,” he said. “If the CDC really wants people to self-quarantine, forget the Purell. They should just be handing out lotion.”
Check out more of his segment below: