Trigger warnings for children's books

Ever since Judy Blume bashed trigger warnings in books, I believed that she was clearly insane. In order to prepare for the terrifying plot points ahead everyone must hear these warnings! How will people ever survive if books don't have trigger warnings.

I felt that this was especially needed in children's books, because they are the worst in terms of promoting violence and witch craft. So, I want to present to you, the trigger warnings that should be in these popular children's books, for the safety of ideologies everywhere.

Trigger warning: this book contains content that positively promotes greediness and gluttony. This book also contains whimsical rhymes and bullying with the added layer of persuasive thinking. This book actively promotes subtle manipulation.

Trigger warning. This book features talking cats and fishes. This book promotes downgrading language and mischievous behavior involving books and fans and shelves. This book exhibits negative language such as "not one little bit." this book also promotes disobedience. This book features gender discrimination and segregation. Thing One and Thing Two are not identified as male, women, or transgender. The book also features magic.

Trigger warning. This book actively promotes taking advantage of trees, especially female trees. It also encourages the feeling of entitlement as you get to be an older male.

Trigger warning. This book features submissive practices and domination featuring animals. This book also features an island with talking animals and fantasy encouragement. This book features scenes where humans rule over animals.

Trigger warning. These books feature men in underwear. Homophobic people should avoid this series. This book features magic and hypnotism and violence, extremely grotesque cartoon violence in multiple scenes and on multiple pages. These books also hosts an assortment of puns that elude to sex, including gay sex.