Ever wonder what is out there? Ever think, is there really such a thing as true, unconditional love? In my youth, it was a fantasy, that only happened in the movies. My life was lonely, forever looking for that one person who would love me for me, and not for what they wanted me to be, or, who they thought I was. We go through life, not really expecting the impossible, living for our children who we love more than life itself. Thinking…what if that person is out there, somewhere? That explains my life, until 1997. Alone, with time only for my job, schooling and my children, each night after the kids went to bed, I would slip into another world, the world of chat rooms. Hundreds of chat rooms available where you could be whoever you wanted to be, and create the life you dreamed of. It was there that by blind chance or Godly intervention that we met, starting a life of realization that true, unconditional love does indeed exist.
From day one, we enjoyed total, honest and open communication, exposing to me the full depth of who she was, wondering who I was. Without the slightest hesitation, accepting each other for who we were, love quickly grew, and in 2000 we married. Even then, neither of us fully understood the meaning of love.
For 14 years she lived a very difficult and tormented life. And she did this for me. Oh, she portrayed the male part well, but slowly I was waking up. Transition was repeatedly mentioned in 2009 and I’m ashamed to admit, back then, being young and unaware, I didn’t really see. As we age, we look past stereotypical categories and social constructs and start to realize that it is the person who we love. In 2014, a situation arose that made transitioning inevitable. She looked at me and made one statement…I can’t go on, please tell me it’s OK. It wasn’t a verbal statement. I could see it in her eyes. I knew that this person, whom I loved so much, needed my approval and acceptance. We were still so afraid of losing what we had, yet I looked at her and said, “Yes, let’s do it!” I never knew how much impact 4 little words could have, but that day they started an avalanche. Relief, excitement, anticipation, happiness, and yes freedom…freedom from a life full of sadness and torture. It reflected in her eyes and I knew, even after 14 years, life with her was just beginning.
It has been several years now since her gender transition and life has become more amazing than ever. This beautiful butterfly emerged before my eyes and our love has grown exponentially. Married now for 17 years, we can’t even think of what life would be without the other. SueZie’s ex-wife and our dear friend put it into perspective. She said “Cheryl is who she is because of SueZie and SueZie is who she is because of Cheryl. One would be lost without the other.” That’s exactly it. True, unconditional love! That’s right, it does exist. I am now a believer in living “happily ever after.”
We renewed our vows June 1, 2017 as woman to woman. It was small and quiet but had great emotional impact for us both. Our hearts were full and our love never stronger.
A revelation to me, I feel the person I met, fell in love with and married all those years ago, was in fact SueZie. It had been her all along. We also realized we had one more task to accomplish. A wrong had to be righted…our marriage certificate had to be a reflection of our true relationship..as it should have been in 2000. Yet, same sex marriage was not legal at that time.
Now, my SueZie is a tenacious bulldog and when she wants to get something done, nothing stops her. So with no legal precedent, SueZie contacted the County Clerk, who was incredibly supportive and helpful. She suggested an ex parte order, signed by a judge as a matter of public record in support of changes to the marriage certificate. After SueZie provided supporting legal documentation that answered questions from the judge, the order was quickly granted. A new marriage certificate was received and in the upper left it references the ex parte order. Seeing the original year that we married, 2000, reflected on the marriage certificate is a unique and beautiful thing. Our marriage certificate now actually predates the passage of the national right to marry for same sex couples.
We are a very unique couple, different in many ways, but the same in that nothing could ever come between our love. It is rock solid and fills us to our core. We hope that society will continue to evolve and look past the blinders of bias and find what we have found. A love that has spanned genders. It is truly magical!!