After my last post on why I think you're perfect, I had a lot of people tell me they felt like they weren't good enough.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately, because it's affecting almost everyone I know in one way or another (plus many I don't know), and I really want to do something about it.
Also, the new year is coming, and we all know what that means (apart from having a raging New Year's Eve and kissing someone wonderful at midnight).
But even if you don't like setting New Year's resolutions, many of us still tend to see the new year as a clean slate, like a new day we can use to start over.
We can hit the refresh button on our lives and start to do things differently.
But what about all the things we're actually missing out on because we think they're out of reach, or not even worth trying for, because we feel that we're not good enough?
I had a bunch of people tell me about their I'm not good enough worries after my last post.
There were worries around changing jobs and not being able to negotiate as much money as they currently earn. Worries about not being able to stick to a new diet or exercise plan, so why even bother trying to begin with. There were worries about learning, worries about age, and worries about relationships.
The list went on in every direction.
Irrespective of the topic, there was always one constant, deep within each "reason" why their desire or goal was unattainable. Of course, these are not "reasons." They are BS stories we tell ourselves and believe to be true. These "reasons" are almost never more than our self doubts and fears that we are not enough.
Enough already. It's time to shed the story and be good enough.
In fact, it's time to be smoking hot awesome. For you to be smoking hot awesome. Not on the outside (of course, be that too if you want), but do it where it matters most -- on the inside.
I'm not referring to that breed of arrogant confidence which reeks of loudness and performance. And I sure don't mean that patronizing bravado that smacks of entitlement and superiority. These behaviors are falsely masquerading as confidence. Actually, they are the antithesis of true confidence.
The confidence I'm talking about is much more like the confidence of a clear blue sky -- open, silent, and completely unquestionable. The sky doesn't need to explain or assert it's awesomeness or magnificence. It just is.
Could it really be possible to develop that same, unshakeable, beautiful confidence?
Or if not that same pure knowingness, couldn't we at least strive to emulate it?
American novelist Richard Bach nailed it when he said, Argue for your limitations and sure enough they are yours.
So let's not argue.
Time to pimp our confidence, zen style.
How to Have Unshakeable Confidence
Step 1. Ban all self-criticism
Imagine that all your fears and self doubts are completely frozen for the moment.
Imagine it's impossible to even think of things like doubts (tip -- if you think that stopping your doubts is impossible, just imagine a vast, totally clear, infinite blue sky).
Now, what's one thing you truly wished you could do, be or have?
Let's make it happen by developing a belief system that says;
This goal is achievable, I can make this happen. It's possible.
Yet before we start creating this empowering belief system, it's essential to make sure we're not putting ourselves down in the first place.
So can you, and will you, commit to stopping all self criticism, just for the next 24 hours to start with?
This includes stopping all jokes and sarcastic remarks about yourself, as well as any derogatory comment you'd instinctively make, either to yourself, or out aloud to someone else.
Usually I'd say that jokes are great and it's super healthy to be able to laugh at yourself. But sometimes we can make so many jokes about how stupid or hopeless we are, that when you stop and notice them all, they might be adding up to a whole lot of destructiveness, gradually beating down your own self worth and confidence.
So while we're getting started, let's put on hold self-criticism of all kinds, even trivial things, like telling yourself you're stupid because you can't find your keys (again), or that you're just not good enough because your work presentation wasn't perfect.
Just for 24 hours, see if you can be aware of any time you put yourself down or criticize yourself in some way.
You have 24 hours to try, starting from now.
If you're in, please let us know and leave a comment below.
By the way, this zero self-criticism challenge seems simple enough, but don't worry if you find yourself making LOTS of little jokes or smart remarks to yourself, or about yourself to others.
Don't get caught up in it.
Just notice your thoughts or words, have a smile for catching yourself out, it's really no biggie. Then get back to whatever you were doing.
Please let me know if you're taking the 24 hr challenge and leave a comment below.
I'd also love to know how you go so by all means, get in touch! Good luck.
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