President Donald Trump has blamed the Senate’s failure to pass the “skinny repeal” plan of the Affordable Care Act on votes cast by illegal Republican senators. In a flurry of tweets immediately following the vote, Trump insisted that fake Republican senators were bused from Massachusetts into New Hampshire and then into Washington, D.C., where they secretly replaced John McCain, Susan Collins, and Lisa Murkowski. White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci said, “If the President says three motherfucking piece of shit disloyal liberal robot duplicate cock-sucking senators killed the goddamned motherfucking twatwaffle health care bill, there’s probably some dickweasel pissbucket level of truth to that.”
The President has called for a commission to investigate the Republican senatorial voter fraud, which will be headed by his daughter Ivanka, son Donald Trump, Jr., Rudolph Giuliani, Sean Hannity, Russian prime minister Dmitry Medvedev, and former Charles in Charge star Scott Baio. This commission will require McCain, Collins, and Murkowski to provide their social security numbers, bank accounts and PIN numbers, blood, saliva, urine and fecal samples; and walk around with sandwich boards which say “TRAITOR” on one side and “SAD” on the other. Said Baio, “I’m happy to be working.”