NEW YORK CITY: Goodyear Satire Company--
"The debate was rigged," charged Donald Trump early today. "Organizers purposely gave me a faulty microphone that amplified my actual words."
The Republican presidential nominee made the stunning claim in the wake of a first debate performance some have regarded as disastrous to his candidacy.
"My mic never picked up my devastating reference to Gennifer Flowers," said Trump. "But I heard myself say it a thousand times."
Independent audio engineers support Trump's claims. "The sound waves were confused after leaving Trump's mouth," said expert Chester Pemberton."We think it was interference from the tinfoil hats worn by Trump supporters. Or, it was all that sniffling."
"Hillary's mic didn't pick up half of her lies," complained Trump. "But I heard them all," Trump said as he was calmly led away from the podium and into a waiting car by campaign co-manager Kellyanne Conway.
Trump received support from an unexpected source. Howard Dean, 2004 Democratic candidate whose own campaign was effectively ended by a mysterious "Dean Scream" at an Iowa rally, empathised with Trump. "Same thing happened to mEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE."